Cost jokes
A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes. Eventually, the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."
Why the hell would I go to a shooting range when I could go to school and do it for free?
I know how to cut down on Medicare expenses.
Lock Alzheimer's patients in dog cages when they misbehave.
Said the man angered to his wife:
"Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"
What was Hitler known for?
His exceptional cost efficiency.
A man walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a beer. After 10 shots of vodka, the guy had, the bartender figured if he talked to him, he would tell him everything as he’s not sober.
Bartender: Hey, that’s some nice jewellery you have there. It must be expensive.
Guy: Yeah, this bracelet is made of 100% diamond. It cost me like 250 thousand dollars. What a bargain, eh?
Bartender: Seems like you make a lot of money. What do you do for a living?
Guy: I take cash from the bank and don’t give it back. It takes a lot of moral courage to rob banks to provide for my family.
Bartender: What? If that’s the case, then why do you even pay for the jewellery or this beer? You’re a hypocrite, that’s what you are, justifying robbing people as a living.
Guy: Hypocrite? You’re right. I'm living with double standards to justify my actions.
(5 seconds later)
Guy: Aye, open the cash register and give me your wallet or I will blow your fucking brains out. I fucking hate hypocrites and I will not gonna be one of em!
It cost me $100 to ride a taxi over your belly, it was that big!
Nothing is free in this world, including "Free Palestine."
Bro, living is so expensive, and I'm not even having fun doing it or getting my money's worth.
How much do pirate earrings cost? 🤔
Answer: A buck an ear. 🤣
Ok, I put one penny down. Do you smell anything?
1 scent.
I put two pennies down. Do you see any fruit?
2 pears.
I put three pennies down. Do you see any law enforcement?
3 coppers.
I put four pennies down. Do you see any cars?
4 Lincolns.
I put five pennies down. Do you see any pussies?
NOT FOR 5 CENTS YOU DONT!
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."
What is worse than seeing your sibling drown?
Getting the water bill.
Why do poor people eat insects?
Because they're locust!
When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.
But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!
Son asks dad, "How much does marriage cost?"
Dad: "I don’t know, son. I’m still paying for it."
A man finds out his wife is cheating on him with his best friend, so he hires a hitman to shoot his wife in the head, and his friend in the balls. The hitman charges $100 per bullet. The man agrees.
Later, they set up, and the hitman looks through the scope and says, “I can save you $100!”
I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.
Oh, don't worry, he's okay now.
But the vet charged me six quid.
What is the difference between paying $50.00 to receive an anonymous blow job from a physically challenged gay white male who is also a sex worker at a glory hole and paying $175.00 to receive an anonymous blow job from an able-bodied bisexual white female who is also a sex worker at a glory hole?
If you give $50.00 to receive an anonymous blow job from a physically challenged gay white male who is also a sex worker at a glory hole you are saving yourself $125.00. 💸😁
Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.
Condoms 99 percent effective.
Birth control 99 percent effective.
Etc.
Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)