Donald Trump Jokes

Wall

Anonymous

How do Mexicans feel about Trump's wall? -- They'll get over it.

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Jesus

Canadian

A man goes into heaven and there he meets jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says "that is mother teresa's clock it has never moved because she has never lied". "There is Abraham Lincolns clock. He has .lied twice so it has moved twice." "Where is Donald Trump's?" Ask's the man. Jesus answers "it is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."

Green

gummy_pug

if trump colored his hair green and weared a orange shirt and pants i will call him a carrot

Toilet

Anonymous

if trump pooped in a toilet the toilet would die

America

Not A Trump Supporter.

The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!"

Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”

So the Pope slapped him.

American

Plagiarist

Decisions taken by world leaders often have great significance during a crisis.The Americans, in particular, are suffering many losses during the current global pandemic. Remember, In the 1980's they had Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope. In 2020 they have Donald Trump, no Cash and no Hope!

Politics

Anonymous

Donald Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese. -- He wants to make America grate again.

5

Orange

Anonymous

Once I saw Donald trump and an orange and couldn’t tell the difference😂

Poor

Anonymous

Donald Trump is making hospitals so poor that they are using kidney beans for their transplants

2

Plane

Anonymous

Francis Pope, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and a little boy were one a falling airplane. Their were 3 parachutes. Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps off the plane saying, “The world needs my leadership!” Barack Obama grabs a parachute and says, “I need to help make choices for our world”, so he jumps off the plane. At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane. The Pope says to the boy, “take the last parachute, I am too old and I’m going to die soon one day.” The little boy says, “actually their are two, you see, Donald Trump took my backpack.”

7

Brain

Anonymous

Trump's medical records were just released. According to the brain scan, the left side of his brain has nothing right, while the right side has nothing left.

1

Wife

Greg

Donald Trump was golfing with Barack Obama. The Donald said, "Listen Barack, I'm getting older and I'm having trouble sexually satisfying my young wife. I know that you black guys are supposed to be magic in bed. Can you give me a few pointers?" Barack gave Donald a few ideas and that night Donald made love to his wife. He did everything he was told. He started out slowly entering his wife gently then finished hard. Melania came quickly screaming. "Oh Donald, You fuck just like Barack Obama."

Hearing

YetAnotherComedian

Wanna hear a joke about Donald Trump? Ok, Melania totally married him for his good looks, believe me!

INS

Medkit

In Portuguese, Trumpa means bullshit

Wall

Anonymous

Why did Trump decide to build the wall?

Because China built a wall and they do not have any mexicans.

2

Politics

Moose

Once I went to a museum and over heard someone speaking to an employee for information.

"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."

"oh cool"

"this is mother Teresa's clock, the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."

"Makes sense"

"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice indicating he only lied twice."

"Where's Trump's clock"

"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."

And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.

6

Love

Greg

Why is it that when Donald Trump and Melania make love she is always on top?

Donald Trump can only F@#k up.

2

White

Anonymous 666

Trump is so orange that he makes the oompa loompa's look white.

America

Robert Himes

North Korea and the martians were fighting about who was going the reach venus first. Trump steps in and says " That doesn't matter american is going to land on the sun first". The martians and North Korea said "you can't land on the sun it's to hot and you will die". Trump said his brilliant plan that "America is going to land their at night".

Difference

Anonymous

What is the difference between Trump and a flying pig? The letter F

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