Donald Trump Jokes
People claim that Trump has Russian ties.
FAKE NEWS!
All of Trump's ties are made in China.
What do you call an orange on a small stick?
Donald Trump.
Donald Trump is proud of being white, which is strange, considering he's orange. Makes you wonder why he didn't pull a Michael Jackson and bleach his own skin....
Donald Trump is proudly anti-woke. He has been falling asleep in his court cases every morning!
Your move, Ron DeSantis.
Why does Donald Trump have a fervent crush on the Russian president?
He is Putin his dick where it don't belong!
Lets go i think corn
What is 80 feet wide and has 22 teeth?
Answer: The front row of a Trump Rally!
In order to get $355 million for his civil fraud case, Donald Trump desperately needed to fundraise. So, in every Republican Party event, he will serve the Patriotic Trump Dog! It consists of an 80-year-old sausage inside a 10-year-old cream bun, topped with Russian dressing.
Trump does have the best people, doesn't he?
How did Donald Trump win Alabama twice?
By declaring that he has a crush on his daughter!
Why is Donald Trump so jealous of Usain Bolt?
Because he successfully finished a race!
What's the difference between Donald Trump and Derek Vinyard?
A shaved head, a chest tattoo, and a moustache.
What do you call a Trump Supporter?
A piece of $hit!
What did Donald Trump serve Justin Trudeau at the state dinner?
Poutine in traditional Russian dressing!
How do Mexicans feel about Trump's wall? -- They'll get over it.
For all the talk of Donald Trump loving America, most of his lovers are imported from Eastern Europe.
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
Decisions taken by world leaders often have great significance during a crisis.
The Americans, in particular, are suffering many losses during the current global pandemic. Remember, in the 1980's they had Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope.
In 2020 they have Donald Trump, no Cash, and no Hope!
Why is it that when Donald Trump and Melania make love, she is always on top?
Donald Trump can only F@#k up.
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
How can you tell Donald Trump is old and demented?
He can't distinguish between tanned people and cockroaches!
Donald Trump was golfing with Barack Obama. The Donald said, "Listen Barack, I'm getting older and I'm having trouble sexually satisfying my young wife. I know that you black guys are supposed to be magic in bed. Can you give me a few pointers?" Barack gave Donald a few ideas and that night Donald made love to his wife. He did everything he was told. He started out slowly entering his wife gently then finished hard. Melania came quickly screaming. "Oh Donald, You fuck just like Barack Obama."