Comedian jokes
What is the difference between the President of Ukraine and the President of the United States?
The President of Ukraine is a comedian, and the President of the United States is a joke!
Some people like Stephen Hawking jokes, but he will never be a stand-up comedian.
*walks into a comedy night club* Owner: "You're doing standup tonight, right?" Noob Joker (you): "Yes, I am!" Owner: "Get onto the stage." Me: *walks up stage* Owner: "This is the standup comedian noobpro." Me: "Hey guys, how about some Donald Trump?" Crowd: *RUNS*
Orange you glad you are not a comedian?
Why do disabled people not like comedians?
Because they do stand up.
You failed Helen Keller's speech class? It's okay, she's not a very good speaker.
Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."
Stroke victims are my heroes.
My favorite is Louis C.K.
Hi, I’m Joe.
So, a bus crashes, killing everyone on the bus, and God feels so bad that He gives each one a wish.
The first person comes up, and she wants to be beautiful, so God makes her beautiful, and she goes into Heaven. The next person comes up, and he says, "I want to be beautiful as well." As this goes on, the last man in the back begins laughing a little, everyone becoming beautiful, until God asked the last person what they want, and he said, "I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again!" So God had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted.
I think there will be many more jokes afoot! 👣
If you are disabled and a comedian, is it called stand-down or sit-up?
Like Markgeraldnasol and his Pokemon Jokes.
What do you call a killer that uses psycho powers?
Mr. Mime!
Hey, I just want to give a round of applause to Shooter McFly, single-handedly keeping the jokes section alive. Unappreciated, well, Shooter, one person here appreciates you, at least.
Q: Why didn't Jeffery Dahmer eat comedians?
A: He thought they tasted funny.
Some of the best comedians mimic people. I mimic my shadow.
If you don't like the video in 10 seconds, James Charles will sleep with you tonight.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Not Stephen Hawking."
I wasn't going to tell another emo joke, but I didn't want to leave anyone hanging.
What do you call an overweight psychic?
A four chin teller.