Comedian

Comedian jokes

President

    • What is the difference between the President of Ukraine and the President of the United States?

    The President of Ukraine is a comedian, and the President of the United States is a joke!

  • 4

    • Owner

    • *walks into a comedy night club* Owner: "You're doing standup tonight, right?" Noob Joker (you): "Yes, I am!" Owner: "Get onto the stage." Me: *walks up stage* Owner: "This is the standup comedian noobpro." Me: "Hey guys, how about some Donald Trump?" Crowd: *RUNS*

  • 2

    • Wish

    • So, a bus crashes, killing everyone on the bus, and God feels so bad that He gives each one a wish.

    The first person comes up, and she wants to be beautiful, so God makes her beautiful, and she goes into Heaven. The next person comes up, and he says, "I want to be beautiful as well." As this goes on, the last man in the back begins laughing a little, everyone becoming beautiful, until God asked the last person what they want, and he said, "I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again!" So God had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted.

  • 0
    • Comedian memes

    Vegetarian

    • Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."

  • 0

    • Friend

    • My friend in a wheelchair tells a funny joke.

    I resist the urge to say that he should become a stand-up comedian.

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