Comedian jokes

What is the difference between the President of Ukraine and the President of the United States?

The President of Ukraine is a comedian, and the President of the United States is a joke!

Because of all the rampant inbreeding in America, it's not a surprise that Hollywood had to poach models, comedians, and actors from Canada and Australia.

A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..."

The room was full of arm amputees.

Your mom is a slow comedian. It took her 9 months to make a good joke.

The guy who made the knock knock joke deserves a no-bell prize.

What do you get when you cross jokes and cum?

CUMedy.

Who goes to a comedian show and gets offended?

A feminist.

My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.

What do you call an Indian gymnast? Balance Singh.

Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"

So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.

Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?

I thought I saw Jojo Siwa... no wait, it's your hairline.

Wow, didn't know little Jhony jokes were so dark. Well, but what do you expect from a site with jokes about suicide, sex, and drugs? :-)

"Drugs?????" His eyes popped out. Well, I don't really know if there actually are-- and the exact ones... But there's so many kinds of jokes-- even chin jokes. :^))

And slice jokes!

What kind of "slices"?

Handy ones. ^_^

What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most?

The “cold and passed out” kind.

Bill Cosby on rape: "But, I heard, 'my body, my choice.'"

What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?

"This is a stand-up."

What do you call a funny cow?

A cowmedian.

What's black and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.

I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.