Comedian jokes

What is the difference between the President of Ukraine and the President of the United States?

The President of Ukraine is a comedian, and the President of the United States is a joke!

Because of all the rampant inbreeding in America, it's not a surprise that Hollywood had to poach models, comedians, and actors from Canada and Australia.

A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..."

The room was full of arm amputees.

What do you get when you cross jokes and cum?

CUMedy.

Your mom is a slow comedian. It took her 9 months to make a good joke.

The guy who made the knock knock joke deserves a no-bell prize.

Who goes to a comedian show and gets offended?

A feminist.

What do you call an Indian gymnast? Balance Singh.

My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.

Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?

Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"

So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.

I thought I saw Jojo Siwa... no wait, it's your hairline.

Wow, didn't know little Jhony jokes were so dark. Well, but what do you expect from a site with jokes about suicide, sex, and drugs? :-)

"Drugs?????" His eyes popped out. Well, I don't really know if there actually are-- and the exact ones... But there's so many kinds of jokes-- even chin jokes. :^))

And slice jokes!

What kind of "slices"?

Handy ones. ^_^

What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most?

The “cold and passed out” kind.

What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?

"This is a stand-up."

What do you call a funny cow?

A cowmedian.

What's black and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

Bill Cosby on rape: "But, I heard, 'my body, my choice.'"

I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.

I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.