What’s the speed limit in bed?
It’s 68. Once you hit 69, you have to turn back around.
Humor
Do you like pudding? Pudding deez nuts in your mouth!
Q: Why did the pervert cross the road?
A: Couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.
Q: Why do clowns always get into fights?
A: Because they have the balls to.
What do you call a basement full of SJW's?
A whine cellar.
Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."
Boy: "What's that?"
Grandpa: "What's what?"
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
Because the pond was too shallow.
Confucius say, female pilot who fly upside down have crack up.
Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
A: By how much he's coffin.
What do you call an act of “funny” discipline? A PUN-ishment!
If someone calls you dirty minded just say:
"You are dirty minded as well if you understand what I'm saying."
What do you call the worst joke ever?
Well, according to my mom, I am.
What’s Stephan Hawking's favorite dance move?
The robot.
If having sex for money makes you a wh*re, then what does having sex for free make you?
Non-profit wh*reganisation.
My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."
I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."
"Babe, is it in?" "Yeah." "Does it hurt?" "Uh-huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."
Steven Hawking had dark humor.
Whenever he turned on his laugh effect, it diverted power from his screen brightness.
You're so scary that even your hairline ran away.
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
What do you call a bunny with a bent dick?
Fucks funny.
