Humor
What do you call a bunny with a bent dick?
Fucks funny.
My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."
I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."
Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.
That’s about to become a rope around my neck.
what do you call an American looking at cloud shapes?
Oppenheimer
I want to write some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them works.
Why are Black people getting stronger?
Because the TVs are getting bigger.
What record did Obama prove during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.
Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?
Fast food.
How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?
Tell him that it is a confessional booth.
What do you call a dear with no eyes?
I have no eye deer!
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
How do you make a dishwasher work again?
Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"
Sophia matched with a midget on Tinder.
Midget: Hey! What’s up?
Sophia: Well technically everything is, from your perspective!
Yo mama so ugly, when I put her next to a naked mole rat, it said "bluetooth connected."
Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?
Well, probably the person in front of them.
"Babe, is it in?" "Yeah." "Does it hurt?" "Uh-huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
A photon is checking into a hotel.
The bellhop asks him, "Do you have any luggage?"
The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."