Humor

What did Adam say when he saw Eve?

Answer: "Woman!"

What unit of measurement is used on farms? Barn yards.

What do you call a virgin lying on a waterbed?

A cherry float.

What do you call it when everyone of your friends makes too many dumb Covid jokes? A pundemic.

Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!

Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*

Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

What joke could orphan's never understand?

Your Mom jokes.

What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?

"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)

I rate you 9 out of 10, because I'm the 1 you need.

I’ll make a joke about homeless people, but they just don’t work.

Asians love it when a British person says "Rice!"

I work in a garage, and yesterday a gay person came up to me and said, "Why won't my car go straight?"

Guy: Whose place? Mine or yours?

Girl: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?

One of them is an outside job.

Yo mama so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.

The doctor told me I'm color blind...

Me: That's out of the purple!

If you want KFC, pour water on a poor person outside our restaurant and film it.

God: You're gonna have 2 parents.

Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.

An Asian went to bed at 9:00, woke up at 6. People say he's still sleeping.

Your ma is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.