Humor

Before the chicken or the egg, there was only Chuck Norris.

What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?

Baby Jesus died a virgin.

My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it). I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait... it’s just one.

How much pussy does a priest get? None.

What is the difference between a wagon filled with sand and a wagon filled with newborns?

You cannot unload the sand with a pitchfork.

Why are orphans so skinny?

They never eat anything that is family size.

What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?

My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.

*sans*: Why was the skeleton depressed? Because Frisk keeps resetting and it resets when he lost his phone.

What is the biggest joke ever? Trump.

How can toilet paper decorate your house?

Shit sticks everywhere.

- I think you're EGGcellent.

+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.

- Really? Are you done yet?.

+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.

My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”

When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”

A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."

The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"

Everyone: You gotta pay the cost to be the boss.

Germans: You gotta be the caust to be the boss.

Guy: Whose place? Mine or yours?

Girl: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"

You're so scary that even your hairline ran away.

If having sex for money makes you a wh*re, then what does having sex for free make you?

Non-profit wh*reganisation.

What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?

One of them is an outside job.