Humor
What do you call a Russian man with three balls?
'Whodya nikabollokov'
These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says, "I can't stand my mother-in-law." The other says, "So, just eat the potatoes."
Three men walk into heaven at the same time. They all live in the same city. God asks the first man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I have a heart condition, and I've been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. Anyway, I get home from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hanging off the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guy's fingers! He falls into a bush, so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I was cleaning the windows, and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! Luckily, I fall safely in a bush! But then a refrigerator falls on me!" God asks the third man, and he says, "I was the one in the fridge!"
Why did the octopus cross the road?
To get to the other TIDE!!! 🤣🐙🐙
What happens at night in Bangladesh?
It gets Dhaka.
Why did Steven Hawking have no friends?
He couldn’t stand anyone...
Once there was this Whichdoctor. He walked barefoot most of the time, which gave him impressive calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, and the food gave him bad breath, which made him (wait for it) a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed By Halitosis.
Why the f was my shooting joke removed? It was funny, and this is obviously a website for morbid humor. WTF, I mean, worstjokesever.com. Come on...
What do you call an orphan with a boner?
Porn.
Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags, "We have nuclear submarines which can stay underwater for six weeks without having to resurface!". Trump goes on, "Six weeks? That's nothing. I have the best submarines, they're underwater für at least three months!". Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - "Heil Hitler! We need Diesel."
What do you call a blonde in a freezer?
Her parents called her Cindy, so we should probably continue calling her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
What do you call a sad coffee?
Despesso.
When her head game is so strong, she sucks the chromosome right out of you.
What do an ice cream cone and a Ukrainian orphanage have in common?
Children scream when they melt.
Before the chicken or the egg, there was only Chuck Norris.
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin.
I'm a rapist.
What’s the difference between an LGBTQ and brain cells?
Brain cells make up their mind.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a hockey player?
A hockey player gets to shower after three periods.
What is the definition of African-American Vienna sausages?
cocks of African-American men