Newborn jokes

Why did the United Nations stop the french government from using the guillotine in public?

because the french government was using the guillotine in public on newborn baby boys for circumcision.

The day after Chuck Norris was born, he drove his mom home from the hospital.

What are the similarities between an orphan and a newborn plant?

Both their parents were separated.

You're so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn't tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.

So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”

What do cannibals call newborn babies?

Fresh fruit.

Why did the United Nations stop the French government from using the guillotine in public?

Because the French government was using the guillotine on newborn babies for circumcision.

Your forehead's so big, when you were being born, the doctors thought you had no face.

What is the difference between a wagon filled with sand and a wagon filled with newborns?

You cannot unload the sand with a pitchfork.

What's the same about a newborn and a football?

You can kick them both very easily.

da baby

What's the difference between a newborn baby and an orphan after a rugby match?

They both come out bloody and crying, but at least one gets picked up.

What do Chinese parents hate the most?

A newborn daughter...

I thought gender reveal parties were only for newborns, not for teenagers.

If babies stay in their mothers for 9 months, are they not 9 months old when they are born?

Babies can spread a nasty smell,

especially when you haven't fed them for a month.

Chinese kid was born before the due date. Parents name him "Sudden Lee."

Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.

Nine months later, they happily had some use for their baby carriage.

Two years later, they went up again, then their daughter had a brother.

But one little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother.

What's red and in a corner?

A baby with a razor blade.

What's green and in a corner?

The same baby three weeks later.

Why are babies called bundles of joy?

When you break the bundle, it gives you joy.