Health jokes
Q. What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
A. Cancer.
What do you call a premature Chinese baby birth? Wong Tai-Ming.
What does Cangaball do after eating its vegetables?
Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.
What do you call a basketball player with erectile dysfunction?
Tragic Johnson.
What did the green grape say to the purple one?
"Calm down and take a breath."
I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.
Man 1: Dude, Viagra is for pussies. Real men don’t need Viagra.
Man 2: I thought Viagra was for dicks?
Why do some couples go to the gym together?
Because they want their relationship to work out.
Roses are red, violets are blue, by the way, I have the flu!
Yo mama so ugly,
they won’t give her a vaccine so she can keep wearing her mask.
You’re so fat that when you sit on the toilet, it says, “A B C D E F G, get your butt off of me!”
What do hookers and porn stars have in common? They get paid for sex and get STD's.
I think I'm colorblind. News came out of purple.
What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
When I was going downstairs, Sum Ting Wong fell, and doctors say Sum Ting Wong happened.
Me: Knock knock.
My Grandma: Who’s there?
Me: Interrupting cow.
My Grandma: Interrupting c-
[Dies from heart attack]
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten.
Man: Weeks? Months? Days?
Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...
What’s the best cure for not wanting to go to work?
Suicide.
What comes after 69?
Mouthwash.