Health jokes

Roses are red, violets are blue, by the way, I have the flu!

Why did the dumb blonde pee inside the condom?

Because the doctor told the dumb blonde that the dumb blonde was going to get a urine test!

What vibrates and is 6 inches?

A toothbrush.

What's the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

What’s a lung’s favorite type of exercise?

Breathing exercises.

I told this to my English teacher, and he said it to the class, and no one laughed. Someone help!

You know how sometimes you want to listen to music?

But everything you listen to is just supremely unsatisfying, even if it's songs you usually love; they are just so unappealing, and you have no idea what you actually want to listen to.

My friend was in a wheelchair, so I rolled him in fire. Now I call him Hot Wheels.

Roses are red, My c0ck is blue, Oh shit, what happened to you?

Why do people poop?

Because it we need to!

I eat cockroaches.

Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not...

A guy with AIDS went into the doctor's room unusually happy. You could even say he was HIV positive.

Hey, how ya doin'?

Well I'm doin' just fine, I lied, I'm DEAD inside.

Don't tell me "it's gonna be alright," I've tried, but I can't fight like this.

Hey how ya doin', I'm tired but I'm trying to fight.

Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.

It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.

Get your mind together!

I went to McDonald's and I saw a line of fat people because they were selling free hamburgers.

You know how all zodiacs have hairstyles... well not Cancers.

Your mummy so skinny, she can't eat!

Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.

What comes after 69?

Mouthwash.

Me: Knock knock.

My Grandma: Who’s there?

Me: Interrupting cow.

My Grandma: Interrupting c-

[Dies from heart attack]