Health jokes
I am always high, welcome to bipolar disorder. LMAO. (Don't bother to like or comment, I just had to say this.)
What did the doctor say to the Chinese man?
"Some ting wong."
You're so fat, when you step on a scale it says, "To be continued."
They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
Memes
Why did the dumb blonde pee inside the condom?
Because the doctor told the dumb blonde that the dumb blonde was going to get a urine test!
My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.
What does a blind man and your dick have in common?
They both can’t get up without a dog.
What vibrates and is 6 inches?
A toothbrush.
Why do people poop?
Because it we need to!
What's the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.
My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.
I went to the mental hospital. I asked one of the kid what its favorite animal was. They said a bird. I asked for a reason. It's because they both jump off roofs.
Official orgasm donor.
Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"
I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.
What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.