Health jokes
A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left."
The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?"
The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."
Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them.
The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach.
What do you call a basketball player with erectile dysfunction?
Tragic Johnson.
What do a Make-A-Wish kid and mosquitoes have in common?
They both got a 10% survival rate...
What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?
"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"
A skeleton walks into the hospital and said: "Doctor, Doctor, I broke my leg!" The doctor said: "I see..."
I drank some dye before, but don't worry, I've only dyed a little inside.
Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."
Why don't ants get sick?
Because they have anty-bodies.
What is a fat boy's favorite karate move?
A pork chop.
Kate ate food coloring last night. She said she was dying inside.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
A man once sued smart water for not making him smart. Then a woman replied, “Okay cool, now I’m going to go sue Thin Mints for not making me thin.”
What kind of ankle are you? A broken ankle.
Q: Why did Sally drop her ice cream?
A: She got hit by a bus.
What did the green grape say to the purple one?
"Calm down and take a breath."
Why do some couples go to the gym together?
Because they want their relationship to work out.
I am always high, welcome to bipolar disorder. LMAO. (Don't bother to like or comment, I just had to say this.)
Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"
Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.
What did the bird go to the hospital for?
For tweetment!