Health jokes

Erectile dysfunction.

My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.

What does a blind man and your dick have in common?

They both can’t get up without a dog.

I went to the mental hospital. I asked one of the kid what its favorite animal was. They said a bird. I asked for a reason. It's because they both jump off roofs.

My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.

Official orgasm donor.

Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"

My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.

Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.

It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.

Get your mind together!

How do you know someone is going to die?

He can't stop coughing. (coffin)

Can't have a smoke with my girl after sex, she's asthmatic.

Plus, she's too young to smoke.

What did the doctor say to the Chinese man?

"Some ting wong."

How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?

You pay the ice cream man to keep driving.

You're so fat, when you step on a scale it says, "To be continued."

They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?

Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."

What vibrates and is 6 inches?

A toothbrush.

What’s a lung’s favorite type of exercise?

Breathing exercises.

I told this to my English teacher, and he said it to the class, and no one laughed. Someone help!

You know how sometimes you want to listen to music?

But everything you listen to is just supremely unsatisfying, even if it's songs you usually love; they are just so unappealing, and you have no idea what you actually want to listen to.

I broke my arm yesterday. My bro said it is Arm-ageddon, and I still don’t know why.