Health jokes
Man: Doctor, where are you taking me?
Doctor: To the morgue.
Man: But I’m not dead yet.
Doctor: Are we there yet?
Q. What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
A. Cancer.
What does Cangaball do after eating its vegetables?
Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.
What do you call a basketball player with erectile dysfunction?
Tragic Johnson.
What did the green grape say to the purple one?
"Calm down and take a breath."
Memes
Do you know why there are no pharmacies and pharmacists in Africa?
Because you can't take pills on an empty stomach!
Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them.
The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach.
Yo mama so ugly,
they won’t give her a vaccine so she can keep wearing her mask.
Somebody: Do you even eat and get sleep?
Me: I have depression, what do you think?!
What time did the man go to the dentist at? Two-thirty.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What is a fat boy's favorite karate move?
A pork chop.
Why don't ants get sick?
Because they have anty-bodies.
Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."
Kate ate food coloring last night. She said she was dying inside.
I drank some dye before, but don't worry, I've only dyed a little inside.
How did the tree get sick?
It got tinsel-itis.
A man once sued smart water for not making him smart. Then a woman replied, “Okay cool, now I’m going to go sue Thin Mints for not making me thin.”
Q: Why did Sally drop her ice cream?
A: She got hit by a bus.
What kind of ankle are you? A broken ankle.