Health jokes
Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being loud and shouting about all the women they have in port that had given them gonorrhea...
Bloody seamen.
Why do orphans hate health ed at school?
Their parents can't opt them out of it.
I bribbled a kid and he was bribbled hem so hard that his balls came off.
What do kids with cancer and cancer jokes have in common?
They never get old.
How do you describe a redhead with bad teeth?
Gingervitus.
COVID-19. IN YOUR FACE! HAHA!
My wife caught me fucking our daughter. I don't know what she found worse: the fact I was fucking our daughter, or that the clinic gave me the fetus.
Yesterday, a 5-year-old dyslexic boy almost saved his mother from drowning, but he kept dialing 119...
Why are kids so skinny?
Parents eat all the food themselves, and let the kids starve.
Patient: Doctor, every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up. What's wrong with me?
Doctor: I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect.
There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, they decide they don't like living in an asylum anymore. They decide they're going to escape!
So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. You see... You see, he's afraid of falling.
So then, the first guy has an idea... He says "Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!" B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says "Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!"
Why do people shake cigarette boxes?
To wake up the cancer.
I almost got run over by a car.
For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.
Yesterday I was in a wind storm.
Today my ears hurt. I guess the wind was ear-itating.
More cops died from COVID than anything else last year, hahahaha.
They should have shot COVID instead of Tyrone on the microphone, lmfao.
Why can’t orphans go to the hospital? The front desk always asks, “Where are your parents?”
Day 70 without sex, my doctor asked me, "Are you sexually active?" I said, "Why, what you tryna do?"
What’s a cancer girl's sex kink?
Hair pull.
When you breathe.
Your momma's so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.