Health jokes

This anorexic girl wanted to fight me. I told her that I would roast her, but she didn't have any meat.

Erectile dysfunction.

What did the doctor say to the Chinese man?

"Some ting wong."

Can't have a smoke with my girl after sex, she's asthmatic.

Plus, she's too young to smoke.

Did you hear the joke about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.

Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?

Doctor: Ten.

Man: Weeks? Months? Days?

Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...

What’s the best cure for not wanting to go to work?

Suicide.

I am always high, welcome to bipolar disorder. LMAO. (Don't bother to like or comment, I just had to say this.)

Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"

Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.

What did the bird go to the hospital for?

For tweetment!

Taking you to go grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!

I went to the mental hospital. I asked one of the kid what its favorite animal was. They said a bird. I asked for a reason. It's because they both jump off roofs.

What does a blind man and your dick have in common?

They both can’t get up without a dog.

Official orgasm donor.

Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"

My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.

I broke my arm yesterday. My bro said it is Arm-ageddon, and I still don’t know why.

How do you know someone is going to die?

He can't stop coughing. (coffin)

You're so fat, when you step on a scale it says, "To be continued."

My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.