Health jokes
Roses are red, My c0ck is blue, Oh shit, what happened to you?
Why do people poop?
Because it we need to!
What's the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
I eat cockroaches.
A guy with AIDS went into the doctor's room unusually happy. You could even say he was HIV positive.
Hey, how ya doin'?
Well I'm doin' just fine, I lied, I'm DEAD inside.
Don't tell me "it's gonna be alright," I've tried, but I can't fight like this.
Hey how ya doin', I'm tired but I'm trying to fight.
My friend was in a wheelchair, so I rolled him in fire. Now I call him Hot Wheels.
How do you know when your vegetables are completely cooked?
The wheelchair rises to the top.
I went to McDonald's and I saw a line of fat people because they were selling free hamburgers.
Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not...
WARNING: READ THIS JOKE ALOUD!
Was it the pills that stopped his coughing, or was it the coffin they carried him off in?
Why did the dumb blonde pee inside the condom?
Because the doctor told the dumb blonde that the dumb blonde was going to get a urine test!
What is a fat boy's favorite karate move?
A pork chop.
Why don't ants get sick?
Because they have anty-bodies.
Kate ate food coloring last night. She said she was dying inside.
What do a Make-A-Wish kid and mosquitoes have in common?
They both got a 10% survival rate...
What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?
"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"
Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.
Son: Really?
Also 2 hours later:
Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.
Mom: Son, I-
A skeleton walks into the hospital and said: "Doctor, Doctor, I broke my leg!" The doctor said: "I see..."
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.