Health jokes
Taking you to go grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
You know how all zodiacs have hairstyles... well not Cancers.
What’s a lung’s favorite type of exercise?
Breathing exercises.
I told this to my English teacher, and he said it to the class, and no one laughed. Someone help!
Roses are red, violets are blue, by the way, I have the flu!
What do hookers and porn stars have in common? They get paid for sex and get STD's.
I think I'm colorblind. News came out of purple.
What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
Erectile dysfunction.
When I was going downstairs, Sum Ting Wong fell, and doctors say Sum Ting Wong happened.
Somebody: Do you even eat and get sleep?
Me: I have depression, what do you think?!
Man 1: Dude, Viagra is for pussies. Real men don’t need Viagra.
Man 2: I thought Viagra was for dicks?
Yo mama so ugly,
they won’t give her a vaccine so she can keep wearing her mask.
You’re so fat that when you sit on the toilet, it says, “A B C D E F G, get your butt off of me!”
I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten.
Man: Weeks? Months? Days?
Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...
Me: Knock knock.
My Grandma: Who’s there?
Me: Interrupting cow.
My Grandma: Interrupting c-
[Dies from heart attack]
What comes after 69?
Mouthwash.
This anorexic girl wanted to fight me. I told her that I would roast her, but she didn't have any meat.