Health jokes

What do you call two Hispanics with Parkinson's disease?

Maracas.

Your hairline is the reason why some women have miscarriages.

What do ninjas and depressed people have in common?

They're always cutting.

I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.

But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"

A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”

“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.

“Those are just contractions.”

It's all fun and games until they start dancing.

Why did the house go to the doctor?

Because it had a window pane.

Yo mama so fat when someone asked her to touch her chin, she asked, "Which one?"

What do me and a blind person have in common after I look at Alfie's mum?

We're both blind.

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?

Special forces.

I didn't break my back in the accident, thankfully.

But I can break yours today, hopefully.

Yo mama so fat, when she decides to workout, the stock market goes bankrupt.

"Hey Kels, what's on your arm?"

"Oh, that was the cat."

"We don't have a cat..."

"Oh..."

I was in a wheelchair for a few weeks last month.

I went through a super traumatic experience, and I *wheely* hope I made a good *roll* model!

You're so fat you need butter to get in the car.

What do you call a special needs kid with a motorcycle?

Motor disease.

What comes in and comes out, but you should never miss it?

Any ideas?

SHIT!!!!

You're so fat that you cause your heart to have panic attacks.

A dark sense of humor is like a pair of functioning legs. Not everybody has one.

She said she was cheating. I put anti-freeze in her drink.