Health jokes
A doctor walks into his office and looks his patient in the eyes, "Sir, you have to stop jerking off."
The man asks, "Why?"
The doctor then says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.
I'd make a joke about epilepsy, but the computer started flashing.
Some kid in a wheelchair called me fat.
I told her, "Do a wheelie!"
I constantly wonder how people can live happily ever after, but then I realized that antidepressants don't make you OD.
My therapist told me time heals wounds, so I stabbed him, and now we wait.
Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away.
Orphan: But why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.
I got kicked out of the hospital because I told all the Covid-19 patients to stay positive.
Why was the director injured?
He couldn't find the right cast!
My friend nearly drowned in her bowl of muesli the other day. She was pulled in by a strong "currant."
What's green and bad for your teeth?
A green brick.
Why is the orphan happy when he wakes up from a coma?
Because there is a family reunion.
You know what I like most about people with Parkinson's... Their handshake!
When the kid in the wheelchair scares you... you wheelie scared me.
Why can't Oregon go to the doctor?
Because they need parents' signature.
A depressed kid gave me a high five. I left him hanging.
What did Santa give the mute, blind, quadriplegic orphan at Christmas?
Chlamydia.
You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.
Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.
But at least lemonade came out!
You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!
A man walks into a doctor's office, naked and wrapped in Glad Wrap.
The doctor replies with: "I can clearly see your nuts."