Health jokes

What did the blind deaf orphan child get for Christmas?

cancer.

What’s the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression fucks you harder.

Is their [there] a doctor anywhere?

My mom has a few problems & those problems is [are] that my mom has big tits, fat ass & sweet pussy that needs attention. Help anyone.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

What do you get when you mix Viagra with spinach?

Strong to the finish.

I suggested to my girlfriend that she would look sexier with her hair back.

Apparently, that’s insensitive to someone during chemo.

Did you hear about the deaf guy's STI?

He got hearing aids.

I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.

If we send more mosquitoes to Africa, we could save more mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.

In life, some people have it harder than others.

That's why Viagra exists.

Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.

What does Can do after eating its vegetables?

Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.

What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?

Nothing; no one cares how much lead is in the kids.

Yo mama so fat, the only letters that she knows are KFC.

If laughter is contagious, LEO is immune.

People ask me, "Are you an organ donor?"

"Yeah, over my dead body!"

What do alcoholics and gas prices have in common?

They both get really high.

All countries will get Covid.

Except China, they got it right off the bat.

What's the difference between me and cancer?

Well, my dad couldn't beat cancer.

What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?

Throw in some laundry...