Health jokes

Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sneaks candy in her fat rolls.

What did the blind deaf orphan child get for Christmas?

cancer.

What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?

Throw in some laundry...

Why did Daveon go to the doctor?

Because he was feeling "Daveon" in the dumps.

My proctologist used to be a photographer. He took x-rays and told me to bend over and say "cheese!"

In life, some people have it harder than others.

That's why Viagra exists.

Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.

What’s the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression fucks you harder.

My son is such a miserable brat, I bought him a brand new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.

What do alcoholics and gas prices have in common?

They both get really high.

A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating."

The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!"

The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."

Yo mama so fat, the only letters that she knows are KFC.

Crazy? I was crazy once, they put me in a room with rubber rats. Rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once...

Is their [there] a doctor anywhere?

My mom has a few problems & those problems is [are] that my mom has big tits, fat ass & sweet pussy that needs attention. Help anyone.

My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?

People ask me, "Are you an organ donor?"

"Yeah, over my dead body!"

Why shouldn't you make fun of burn victims?

Because they've already been roasted!

Police officers hope you’re a criminal.

Doctors hope you get sick.

Mechanics hope you get car troubles.

But only thieves wish you prosperity.

Weird?

My girlfriend got COVID.

This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.

All countries will get Covid.

Except China, they got it right off the bat.