Health jokes
Doctor: You should stop masturbating.
Me: Doc, I'm almost done.
When you get injured ๐ข
When you get injured in America ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ๐ต๐ต๐ต๐ต๐ต๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ
You lost 30 lbs when you joined Weight Watchers, and lost another 10 lbs when they shaved your back.
At least he got D.L.A. (Disability Living Allowance), so it's not all bad. Every cloud has a silver lining...even a mushroom cloud.
It puts a whole new spin on meals on wheels. No pun intended.
Memes
Q. What is Terri Schiavo's favorite Eminem song?
A. "Till I Collapse."
Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.
Why are Christmas trees banned at the mental hospital?
They would hang themselves like ornaments.
What fell first, the feather or the depressed kid?
Q: The feather, the depressed kid is still up there.
What part of a vegetable can you not eat?
The wheelchair.
Itโs sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient.
He was a great vet.
Anthony Blinken's life sucks, and getting COVID-19 positive is the only positive thing that ever happened in his entire life!
What happens when you have a bladder infection? You're in trouble!
Why can't you say hi to a drug addict?
They'll say "yea."
Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?
A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!
You know what's the most awkward situation in the world? A rapper with erectile dysfunction.
I told my friend you should definitely quit smoking, but he could not find me because he was already up in flames.
I got evicted from the hospital today for telling all the patients to stay positive!
What a negative effect!
Yo body so plastic that a turtle could choke on your peeled skin!
What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?
They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.