Health jokes

Did you hear about the deaf guy's STI?

He got hearing aids.

Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.

I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.

What does Can do after eating its vegetables?

Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.

There are 206 bones in the human body.

207 when I'm at a nursery.

What’s the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression fucks you harder.

I thought when my friends called me curvy, it was a compliment, but it turns out they were referring to my spine.

Crazy? I was crazy once, they put me in a room with rubber rats. Rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once...

Keep yourself safe!

Yo mama is so fat when she goes to the dentist, they make her lay face down.

Yo mama so fat when someone asked her to touch her chin, she asked, "Which one?"

Why can't you be gay and in a wheelchair?

Because you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.

I think Kobe misunderstood the 6-ft rule.

"Hey Kels, what's on your arm?"

"Oh, that was the cat."

"We don't have a cat..."

"Oh..."

I was in a wheelchair for a few weeks last month.

I went through a super traumatic experience, and I *wheely* hope I made a good *roll* model!

Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?

Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

I used to hate foot fungus, but now it's growing on me.

Your hair is receding more than people do when they smell you.

You're so fat, that you're fat.

How does a train sneeze?

It goes, "A-choo choo!"