Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and bumped his head.
The momma called the doctor and the doctor said...
“We’re calling Child Protective Services.”
Fatty and skinny were in a bed. Fatty rolled over and skinny was dead.
How many screws does it take to construct a lesbians bed? None, it's all tongue and groove...
Me: Mom, I'm tired.
Mom: "Then go to sleep."
Me: No, you don't understand-
Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying.
I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he's a really deep sleeper.
Amber Heard’s Morning Routine
Wake Up Eat Breakfast Take a Shit Get Out of Bed
Cousins on the streets means lovers in the sheets😂👀
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself, "Where the f*ck is my roof?"
Only one of Kenny's girlfriends has ever said he's good in bed. But she has to. She's his mom.
Person 1: Goodness, when is Michael Jackson going to stop eating these white chocolate truffles? He is already making a goddamn mess on his bed eating a few of them.
Person 2: Well, he cannot resist the little white balls.
What is the second hardest thing in the morning?
Getting up.
My day started out great until I woke up
Billy: I'm so use to having you in bed with me, I don't know if I'm ready for this long distance relationship
Sally: Ohh, don't worry brother, I'll just be right down the hall...
If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning
What does the cannibal get after a one night stand? Breakfast in bed!
What is the difference between Light , and Hard ?? You can go to sleep with a Light on ..
Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone
What did the pillow say as it fell off the bed?
Oh sheet!
Jesus walks in to a motel throws 3 nails on the counter and says can you put me up for a night
