SLEEPYKITTY

When I have a staring contest, I always win.

Every day, I see blind people who hate me.

Peter: *curses* Sam: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Peter: Ha, joke’s on you! I don’t have a mother.

Tony, having a heart attack: ASFJDHJWNSGREGEJDHFWVWHUSYSG PETER, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!

One person said you are much more beautiful than Cinderella. The next day, you're in court and Cinderella is the witness.

(P.S. she was born to be a drama queen.)

Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.

The pie tasted weird today.

Then I realized that my mother likes cooking pie with human flesh from C town.

What do you call an orphan taking a selfie? A family photo.

The bully says, "Your mom!" The girl says, "Is sleeping with your dad."

For dinner, this girl had noodles. The next day, she could not find her skinny sister. The mom said, "Your sister is dead!" sadly. The girl asked, "She was skinny, right?" The mom said yes. The sister laughed, "I ate her! That’s why the noodles were very skinny!"

In the cute fantasies: "Est-ce que tu manges du poulet? Attendez une seconde, VOTRE PROFESSEUR VEGAN!!!!!"

In reality: "Are you eating chicken? Wait a second, YOUR THE VEGAN TEACHER!!!"

Bully says, "You are DISGUSTING!!!!!!"

The girl says, "Just like your face."

Your forehead is damn big, Walt was jealous of you.

Roses are red, violets are blue, by the way, I have the flu!

Roses are red, violets are blue,

I have a traitor friend, and that is YOU.

Mom asks, "Why are you are THIS show??? It's DISTRACTING you from SCHOOL!!!!!"

The child says, "Don't you mean SCHOOL is distracting ME from this AWESOME show?"

Mom whispers, "Oh, you DEAD."

Mom asks, "Who are you talking to?"

The child said, "A mistake."

You were sad because your grandmother died.

The next day, you were washing your face, and you realize sadness made your face BLUE.

My cousin’s friend spelled “racist” wrong and when my cousin showed me, the first thing I said to my cousin’s friend is “Go to Grammarly. They REALLY teach you spelling.”

What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.

Are you twinning today? Because The Rock would be shocked!

You were supposed to be born in the tree.

The sticks were your siblings.