Health jokes
Yo mama's so fat that she used a telephone pole as a tampon.
What's red, six inches long, and made my girlfriend cry when I fed it to her?
Her miscarriage.
Why are hospitals always freezing?
They need to keep the vegetables cold.
It doesn’t make much sense why autistic kids run down the hall screaming racecar noises.
I mean, they aren’t in wheelchairs, so I don’t know why they do it.
Why didn't the kid cancer patients like his joke?
He said, "You'll understand when you get older!"
I am always high, welcome to bipolar disorder. LMAO. (Don't bother to like or comment, I just had to say this.)
Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"
Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.
Taking you to go grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
You know how all zodiacs have hairstyles... well not Cancers.
What did the bird go to the hospital for?
For tweetment!
What’s the best cure for not wanting to go to work?
Suicide.
Me: Knock knock.
My Grandma: Who’s there?
Me: Interrupting cow.
My Grandma: Interrupting c-
[Dies from heart attack]
Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.
This anorexic girl wanted to fight me. I told her that I would roast her, but she didn't have any meat.
What comes after 69?
Mouthwash.
Did you hear the joke about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten.
Man: Weeks? Months? Days?
Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...
Roses are red, violets are blue, by the way, I have the flu!
I think I'm colorblind. News came out of purple.
What do hookers and porn stars have in common? They get paid for sex and get STD's.