Health jokes
They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
Roses are red, violets are blue, by the way, I have the flu!
Me: Knock knock.
My Grandma: Who’s there?
Me: Interrupting cow.
My Grandma: Interrupting c-
[Dies from heart attack]
Erectile dysfunction.
Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.
Memes
What comes after 69?
Mouthwash.
I think I'm colorblind. News came out of purple.
You're so fat, you only know the letters KFC.
Can't have a smoke with my girl after sex, she's asthmatic.
Plus, she's too young to smoke.
What’s the best cure for not wanting to go to work?
Suicide.
Did you hear the joke about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten.
Man: Weeks? Months? Days?
Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...
What did the doctor say to the Chinese man?
"Some ting wong."
This anorexic girl wanted to fight me. I told her that I would roast her, but she didn't have any meat.
Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not...
A guy with AIDS went into the doctor's room unusually happy. You could even say he was HIV positive.
What vibrates and is 6 inches?
A toothbrush.
Why do people poop?
Because it we need to!
Why did the dumb blonde pee inside the condom?
Because the doctor told the dumb blonde that the dumb blonde was going to get a urine test!
I went to McDonald's and I saw a line of fat people because they were selling free hamburgers.