Health jokes

When I was going downstairs, Sum Ting Wong fell, and doctors say Sum Ting Wong happened.

What did the green grape say to the purple one?

"Calm down and take a breath."

Somebody: Do you even eat and get sleep?

Me: I have depression, what do you think?!

Man 1: Dude, Viagra is for pussies. Real men don’t need Viagra.

Man 2: I thought Viagra was for dicks?

What do you call a basketball player with erectile dysfunction?

Tragic Johnson.

What does Cangaball do after eating its vegetables?

Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.

What is common with dark humor and unvaccinated kids?

Neither do ever grow old.

Kate ate food coloring last night. She said she was dying inside.

Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?

Because the "p" is silent.

I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.

What do hookers and porn stars have in common? They get paid for sex and get STD's.

I think I'm colorblind. News came out of purple.

What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?

You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.

Roses are red, violets are blue, by the way, I have the flu!

Why did the dumb blonde pee inside the condom?

Because the doctor told the dumb blonde that the dumb blonde was going to get a urine test!

What vibrates and is 6 inches?

A toothbrush.

What's the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

What’s a lung’s favorite type of exercise?

Breathing exercises.

I told this to my English teacher, and he said it to the class, and no one laughed. Someone help!