Health jokes
What kind of milk does a new age calf drink?
Dairy free.
Son: Mom, I did the test and I have cancer!
Mom: YOU HAVE CANCER?!
Son: Mom, as my zodiac symbol...
Mom:....
I needed a test on if I'm pregnant. Then the doc said, "Take your pants down." Then he put his penis in my vagina and said, "Now you are pregnant."
It’s really hard to maintain a good body lately, unless you put it in a freezer.
I went to a depressed person and said, "Do you wanna hang with me?"
What is a group of disabled people in a coma called?
A salad.
Don't use Head and Shoulders, just use Head; otherwise, you'll end up in the retarded situation Stephen Hawking went through.
What's the best way to cure the hiccups? Suicide.
Yo mama's so stupid, she took a Covid test and got an F.
Spinach
What did the Army soldier say after he got his legs fixed?
Afgan-I-Stand.
What do you say to a person who got his whole left side cut off? "Are you all right?!"
Michael Jackson goes to the doctor.
Michael Jackson: "Help, doctor, I've been shot!" Doctor: "I can't fix that, but I can change your skin color so it doesn't happen again."
A monkey eats cheese. He was lactose intolerant.
I thought when my friends called me curvy, it was a compliment, but it turns out they were referring to my spine.
The best part about having autism is being able to make jokes about genociding autistic people and no one can say a damn thing.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
What part of a vegetable can't you eat?
The wheelchair.
When Stephen Hawking died, did they take him to the hospital or PC World?
Condoms? HA! Those are for pussies!