Health jokes
Keep rolling your eyes, maybe you'll find a brain back there.
If Stephen Hawking gets a heart attack, where do you go, the hospital or Curry's PC World?
How do you get Carrie Underwood to dehydrate fast?
Tell her that all the water supplies contain the COVID vaccine.
What’s the difference between cancer and my brother?
My brother didn’t beat cancer.
The first rule of the Alzheimer’s club is…
Wait, where are we again?
Like if I'm fine-ish.
I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.
What do you call a rapper with a cold?
Lil Sneezy.
*The doctor asking why I've broken 19 bones in the past week*
*My abusive mum- Go on, tell him!*
Well what am I gonna do now...
What's the difference between herpes and my dad?
Herpes stays around.
I fucked a chick named Macy, but she had dyslexia. So I ended up doing the YMCA.
What's the most expensive haircut in the world?
Chemotherapy.
So anyway, this old guy goes to the doctors. The doctor says, "It's bad news, you've got cancer and Alzheimer's." The old guy replies, "At least I've not got cancer!"
What's the definition of disgusting?
Sticking 5 oysters up your grandmother and sucking 6 out!
What do you call a cow with no toes?
Lac-toes intolerant.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? -- The wheelchair.
What do you call a downy under water?
Dead fish
How do skeletons get COVID?
From the coffin!
They say that the tongue is the strongest muscle in the human body. Wanna fight? 👅💦
What do dentists call their x-rays?
Tooth picks.