Health jokes

If I were to not eat the last biscuit, I would feel "crumby."

I've been going to the dentist for a while now, I know the drill.

A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.

Did you hear about the man who swallowed his watch?

He went to the doctor hoping he could give him something to help pass the time.

Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?

Because his dog had a sore throat!

What time is it when you can smell smoke inside?

Time to get outside!

Why didn't the doctor help the orphan?

Because he was a family doctor!

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?

Lots of blood tests!

What do you call a person in a wheelchair that lives in Africa?

Dry Vegetable.

What do fish smoke? A puffer.

"You need to cease, all those fat cuz u obese."

How to get rid of non-vaccinators: call water a "dehydration vaccine."

Every zodiac sign has a hairstyle, except Cancer.

What do depressed teenagers and fruits have in common?

They both hang by something.

Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?

Because their dad never came back with milk.

I work on medicine; my job is to smell it to see if it's bad :)

What does an autistic kid and a loaf of bread have in common?

They both have special needs.

Why do Blondes never suffer from headaches?

No brain, no pain.

What do you call it when a gorilla bumps uglies with an orangutan?

Monkeypox.

Sippin' on promethazine With lean, I fell in love.

I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup.