Health jokes
What's the difference between acne and a priest?
Acne waits until you're a teen to cum on your face.
I cannot believe no one's come up with a cure for anorexia yet. I thought it would be a piece of cake!
What do you call a person whose Lymphoma keeps recurring?
A Lymphomaniac.
The Make-A-Wish Foundation has gone too far. All of the Make-A-Wish kids asked for cancer to be gone, so they just gave the cancer to all of the Make-A-Wish kids.
My friends:
Maya: I only get 9 hours of sleep.
Josh: 9 hours? I get 7 hours of sleep.
Noah: You get 7? I get 4 hours of sleep.
Me: You guys are getting sleep...
I never liked unnatural adult stars with implants and face surgeries because they look photoshopped, and they always need a ton of lube to get into due to how plastic they are.
What’s the difference between masturbation and brain damage?
After a few strokes, there’s no going back.
One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."
How come lepers don't play cards?
Well, if they lose a couple of hands...
Why did the sick juice tree go to the hospital? Because it needed lemin-ade (not the cool type of sick, the one where you are in the hospital). Lemin-ade 1st ade.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable? The wheelchair! ♿
How does a train sneeze?
It goes, "A-choo choo!"
I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.
What’s worse than a girl getting a period?
A boy getting a period.
My mama always told me, don't pick your nose or it will fall off! I thought she meant my nose.
Hey, give me a break! I'm a little shorthanded!
Oh no, not rock paper scissors again! I always lose. Come on guys, I just lost my finger a day ago! This is Tony, later on.
Yo mama so slutty the abortion clinic gave her a loyalty card and coupon for 20% off her next abortion.
What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
Kids won't eat the broccoli.
Why did the doctor get mad?
Because he was losing his patients.
What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.
Mikey don't clean his foreskin dude straight gay.