Health jokes
"What do you tell a person with depression?
Just hang in there, buddy!"
Chalie has an eating disorder, and he is shorter, so is his life, but he will never get a wife. He's a gay motherfucker who wants to be hit by a trucker?
Why was the apple 🍎 sad?
Because he got his peelings hurt.
Bro's chin looks like it's from that movie cartoon named Kronk. No wonder he got stung by a bee and took an ibuprofen to reduce the pain, but instead it grew longer.
Patient: Doctor, every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up. What's wrong with me?
Doctor: I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect.
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb?
To get to the other side.
My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.
Bob: What is the percent of people who are depressed?
Me: If you're only counting me, 100%.
Yesterday I was in a wind storm.
Today my ears hurt. I guess the wind was ear-itating.
What do my balls and emos have in common?
...Nothing, they both hang themselves...
I have 206 bones. When I look at you, I have 207.
Why can't an orphan get a vaccine?
They need parental permission.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I saw that my brother has brain cancer, so I asked him: "Are you big brain?"
What part in the body does an adult not need but actually needs to live?
A KIDNey!
My bum hurts.
I can't stand up when I laugh hard; neither can they.
What is the toughest part of the human body?
Anal hair, all the shit that they go through.
Why did he go to the chiropractors?
To get his spine fixed.
Whoever stole my anti-depression medications, I hope you're happy!