Health jokes

Chalie has an eating disorder, and he is shorter, so is his life, but he will never get a wife. He's a gay motherfucker who wants to be hit by a trucker?

Bro's chin looks like it's from that movie cartoon named Kronk. No wonder he got stung by a bee and took an ibuprofen to reduce the pain, but instead it grew longer.

Yesterday I was in a wind storm.

Today my ears hurt. I guess the wind was ear-itating.

What do my balls and emos have in common?

...Nothing, they both hang themselves...

Why can't an orphan get a vaccine?

They need parental permission.

What is the toughest part of the human body?

Anal hair, all the shit that they go through.

My bum hurts.

I have 206 bones. When I look at you, I have 207.

Why was the apple 🍎 sad?

Because he got his peelings hurt.

Bob: What is the percent of people who are depressed?

Me: If you're only counting me, 100%.

I saw that my brother has brain cancer, so I asked him: "Are you big brain?"

I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.

Yo mama's so fat, I run around her for exercise.

Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because she was crummy.

What did the toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed.

What has 1 head, 1 foot, and 4 legs? A bed.

Don't say "stay positive" to the wrong doctor.

You're so fat that I run around you for exercise.

Meat stands for: M - monitoring, E - evaluating, A - assessing/addressing, T - treatment.

So when you're shoving meat up people's asses, then you're monitoring them, evaluating them, assessing them, and treating them.

Yo mama so hairy, you almost died from a rug burn!

Why should old women never eat seafood?

'Cause then she'll start acting crabby.

Well, we've removed all of the excess fat from your body, and all that's left, I'm afraid, is the wig, Mrs. Trump.