Health jokes
If I were to not eat the last biscuit, I would feel "crumby."
A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.
Did you hear about the man who swallowed his watch?
He went to the doctor hoping he could give him something to help pass the time.
What time is it when you can smell smoke inside?
Time to get outside!
Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?
Because his dog had a sore throat!
Memes
Why do Blondes never suffer from headaches?
No brain, no pain.
"Yo mama so skinny when she swallowed a meatball, everyone thought she was pregnant again."
What do you call inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.
"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."
"What do you give a man that has everything? Penicillin."
"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O!'"
"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."
Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.
As a brother, I have to report my sister has a few new symptoms that are going around, and those symptoms are that she has big titties, a sweet pussy, and a great personality.
If you scanned my thigh, it would show up as a package of Oreos on the screen.
Why do women get periods?
Just cancel the subscription.
What does an autistic kid and a loaf of bread have in common?
They both have special needs.
What do you call a rapper with a cold?
Lil Sneezy.
Why download Fruit Ninja when you have your arm?
Q: What's the difference between Terri Schiavo and a tomato?
A: A tomato isn't a vegetable.