Health

Health jokes

Police

    • Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.

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    • Depression

    • Regular depressed person: I'm depressed, so I'll go see a therapist.

    Me: I'm depressed, so I won't do anything about it, work on many projects at the same time, destroying my sanity slowly while relying on caffeine and pills as my only way to take down my headaches, and making memes about it online to help myself cope with the pain.

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    • Health memes

    Depression

    • When you think you're depressed, but you know you're probably just using depression to be lazy and self-loathing, but then you realize that it, in itself, might actually be a symptom of depression.

    Well gang, it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands!

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    • Doctor

    • So, a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: "I'm sorry, you only have ten left." The other man smiles nervously and asks, "T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him. "Nine."

  • 3

    • CPR

    • Never drink tea in school... I give people tea if they've passed out... tea can be nice, but only have it once a day... It's not what you think... It's not tea, it's CPR.

    Potato

    • If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.

    But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.

  • 0

    • Allergy

    • I know this isn't an orphan joke, but I didn't know where to say it, so yeah.

    I threw a nut at the allergy table and screamed, "YES, TRIPLE KILL!"

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