Health jokes
"You is so black your mama fainted."
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!
What do you call an accomplished opera singer with recurring gonorrhea?
Standing ovation!
I used to have a phobia of pogo sticks. Those things always made me jump.
Would you mind just peeing into this cup, please? It's the one the annoying receptionist uses.
Nope, should've gone to Specsavers.
If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then half of the least dose would be a lifetime supply.
I find it difficult to count to ten in French: un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept.
I can't say the next one because I have a "huit" allergy.
If there's a guy without legs, he begins to hear boss music when a stack of shelves appear.
I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.
I thought about going on an all-almond diet.
But that’s just nuts.
Have you heard about kids with AIDS?
It never gets old.
Why are all fat people bad drivers?
They are all hungover.
An Autistic chef made hamburgers out of donkey meat.
He called them: “ASPERGER’S”
I don’t call it special ED, I call it mixed vegetables.
"Gaining weight is gonna be a piece of cake."
What happened to the leper when he accidentally walked into the screen door?
He strained himself.
My mom told me to unplug all the electronics, so I unplugged my grandma's life support.
People say your body is 75% water, while mine [is] 100% full of coffee.
What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
Kids won't eat the broccoli.