25+ Cucumber Jokes

What did the cucumber say to the bell pepper that wasn't wearing enough clothes?

You need more dressing.

What's long, hard, and has cum in it?

A cuCUMber.

What’s the difference between hungry and horny?

Where you put the cucumber 🥒

What’s 12 inches and is moist inside?

My record holding cucumbers, locally grown at my farm.

What do you call a cut cucumber?

A guy with no legs.

What is long, hard and has cum in it? Cucumber.

What is a 3 letter word that starts with S ends with X and has a vowel? Six.

Riddle me this, Batman, what's long, round, and has cum in the middle?

Batman: A dick.

Riddler: NO NO NOOO! It's a cucumber!

A boy walks into class with a shirt, pants, underwear, and socks. The teacher says, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On a peach hill."

Another boy walks in with a shirt, pants, underwear, and socks. The teacher says, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On a peach hill."

Then a girl walks in, and the teacher says, "And where on earth have you been?" The girl says, "Well, you see..." Then the teacher stops her and says, "Let me guess, on a peach hill?" The girl says, "No, on 2 big cucumbers."

Do you know what the similarity between a penis and cucumber is?

They both have cum in it.

My penis is big and long, what else is... my condom... cucumber.

What kind of veggie is always getting itself into a hard situation?

A pickle.

Pickled carrots.

I saw my sisters masturbating with cucumbers and hotdogs.

I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like hotdogs and cucumbers!"

What is the only thing lesbians know how to grow? Cucumbers.

Three women walk into a bar and start talking about how loose they are. One fits a sausage, another fits a cucumber, the third one slides down the barstool.