Company jokes
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Because it's a family company...
Did you know there’s a sex position called “Amazon”? You wait all day and nobody comes.
Why did the skydiver's parachute fail?
Because it was made by the same company that made their life decisions.
How much is McDonald's on a hot day?
Trump cut the company's advertising spending on Spotcom by 25%.
Where do you go when Steve Hawkins dies?
Microsoft.
Treon: I don't care about Vorkie.
Amber: You should, she could be a great person for the company.
Treon: We don't need another one, we got 100 people in here, no need. Now, Amber, please just go make yourself useful.
Amber: Fine!!!!!
What is the difference between a detective company and a man with eyes on his butt?
One has a private eye, and the other has eyed privates.
Why are orphans unable to work at S.C. Johnson?
Because it’s a family business.
I used to work for a company called 69. My friend took over my position.
Credit to my boy tippecanoe3 for this joke.
What do you call it when Panera isn’t hungry?
Panera fed.
Credit to RogueRobot for this one:
What does Panera sleep in?
Panera bed.
I used to work at a T-shirt factory before the company folded.
(BILL is sitting in the waiting room, fidgeting with his tie. MR. SMITH enters with a clipboard.)
MR. SMITH: (sternly) Good morning, Bill. Ready for your interview?
BILL: (nervously) Uh, yes, sir! I’ve prepared a lot for this!
MR. SMITH: (raising an eyebrow) Great! Let’s start with an easy question. Why do you want this job?
BILL: (confidently) Well, I want to help your company succeed! I believe in hard work and dedication!
MR. SMITH: (nods) Good to hear. Now, what’s your biggest weakness?
BILL: (eyes widening) I tend to be overly honest.
MR. SMITH: (leaning in) That’s not really a weakness.
BILL: (smirking) I don’t care what you think!
(MR. SMITH pauses, surprised, then bursts out laughing.)
MR. SMITH: (laughing) Okay, you’re hired! We need more honesty around here!
What did Goodlife Fitness say to LA Fitness? "I guess it's just not 'working out'!"
Apple tried to make a car, but it had no windows ;)
I started a company making coffins. The slogan? 'We're dying to meet you.'
My birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
You know why you never wanna fly with an orphan?
'Cause then they know they won't die alone.
I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support Windows.
Q: How did Burger King get Dairy Quinn pregnant?
A: He forgot to wrap his whopper 🍆🍔.
Vape company: Hey, want some lung cancer and a nicotine addiction?
Teens: NO WAY!
Vape company: But it’s mango flavored!
Teens: O OK. 😤