Health jokes
My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are always up.
My wife is not only gone like gonorrhea, she is also gone because of my (and now her) gonorrhea.
If I have ligma and you have ligma, how about you ligma balls? 😏 (It’s all about how you pronounce the end.)
We can nip March Madness in the bud, but only if we detect the warning signs of brooding, anti-social February Fever.
I bought some sneakers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day.
What do you call a pool full of retards?
Vegetable soup.
I wanted to get brain surgery.
I changed my mind.
How do you get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
What do you give a sick bird?
Tweet-ment!
What’s red and bad for your dental health? A brick.
What’s invisible and bad for you to breathe? Mustard gas.
What’s green and bad for you to drink? Radioactive waste.
You're so small that when you go to the doctor, he doesn’t know you're there.
Hugging Leo is a great way to commit suicide... you’d just drown in all her fatness.
What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
Kids won't eat the broccoli.
What is a fat boy's favorite karate move?
A pork chop.
What’s the hamburgler’s retarded cousin? Aspergler.
A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.
Man, cancer is so easy to beat. I'm already on stage 4.
Why are you sitting down to pee? I don't have a good back and can't lift something big.
What did the fat say to the other fat? I am fatey.
Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping?
"No."
Yeah, but then he woke up.