Health jokes
If you ever have a gay friend whose comatose, tell his family he/she was a fruit. Now he/she's a vegetable, at least they're still in the produce section.
What's the difference between a plane and a woman?
At least the plane doesn't give you herpes when it crashes at your place.
Why couldn’t Billy go to school today?
The bus driver hit Sally.
What do you call a person whose Lymphoma keeps recurring?
A Lymphomaniac.
Why did the rape victim stop eating pears?
Because she was told that if you rearrange the letters "PEAR," it spells "rape."
"Jack and Jill went home because he was sick because of the virus in town, gave him a frown, and his arms were pricked."
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
Full.
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"
He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.
So anyway, this old guy goes to the doctors. The doctor says, "It's bad news, you've got cancer and Alzheimer's." The old guy replies, "At least I've not got cancer!"
The best part about having autism is being able to make jokes about genociding autistic people and no one can say a damn thing.
What's the difference between me and an old man? No one pulled my life support.
If you turn Down syndrome upside down, do they have Up syndrome now?
What does a kid with cancer and a house fly have in common?
A life expectancy of 15-25 days.
Why did the shark fisherman stop at the abortion clinic?
Because dead babies make the best cum.
What's about 12 inches long, has a purple head, and can make women scream all night?
Cot death.
Imagine there's a funny joke here... imagined it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you're schizophrenic.
The only profession where one could have coronavirus and still go to work is a suicide terrorist.
Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
Social distancing.
What time is it when you cannot walk anymore? Time to get a wheelchair 🦽
Hey, fatboy, why are you so damn fat?
Because every time I f*** your mom, she gives me a cookie.