Health jokes
What did one ankle say to the other? Good morning, how are you today?
What's the difference between cancer and a Nazi? Cancer doesn't discriminate.
I'm hertophobic -
aka I'm allergic to all straight guys.
Why can't you be gay and in a wheelchair?
Because you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest? Acne waits until a kid is a teenager to come on its face.
"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O!'"
Patient: Sorry I'm so nervous, this is my first surgery.
Doctor: Oh, don't worry, mine too!
I pregnoot.
TRUE STORY!
X-Ray Tech: I broke my arm and went to the hospital. The X-Ray Tech was the hottest blonde I've ever seen.
I threw her ass down on the X-Ray table, ripped her clothes off, ripped off mine and I jumped on top of her!
Then I put the X-ray machine on top of us, turned it on and I looked up on the X-ray monitor and I watched and saw my sperm swimming up inside her!
Little Susie had gotten her first period. She told her mom, and they bought pads.
The next month, Susie's mom asked if she had her second one. Suzie said no, and her mom fainted!
Why are obese jokes so offensive?
Because fat people have enough on their plate.
It puts a whole new spin on meals on wheels. No pun intended.
When Stephen Hawking is ill 🤮, do you take him to Curry's PC World or the doctors? 😂😂😂😂
What's the best way to remove gum from hair?
Cancer.
One time Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction from eating 12-year-old nuts.
What's the difference between my dad and cancer?
My dad didn't beat cancer.
I got kicked out of a hospital once. I told all the COVID patients to stay positive.
Why do some couples go to the gym together?
Because they want their relationship to work out.
I was drinking a martini when a waitress yelled, "Do you know CPR?"
I replied, "I know the entire alphabet!" We all laughed and laughed, well, except one person.
How do you poop?