Health jokes
What's about 12 inches long, has a purple head, and can make women scream all night?
Cot death.
Hey, fatboy, why are you so damn fat?
Because every time I f*** your mom, she gives me a cookie.
What do you get when you beat up an autistic kid?
Mashed potatoes.
Michael Jackson went into an Italian restaurant and died because he choked on 9-year-old meatballs.
Your mama is so fat, you can't tell if she's pregnant or not.
Memes
People say rape is bad. It is because I don't want STD and HIV.
What did Stephen Hawking have for breakfast? His left shoulder.
When is the best time to go to the dentist?
2:30.
What are the four letters you don't want to hear from a dentist?
I C D K
One day, he started crying out of nowhere. Everyone started crying with him.
There was a crying pandemic going around.
The only profession where one could have coronavirus and still go to work is a suicide terrorist.
Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
Social distancing.
Why didn't Biden get the virus?
He sniffed everyone!
What time is it when you cannot walk anymore? Time to get a wheelchair 🦽
Imagine there's a funny joke here... imagined it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you're schizophrenic.
I'd tell a Luigi joke, but it would fall flat faster than the line on his victim's heart monitor.
What's the worst thing about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
Yesterday, a 5-year-old dyslexic boy almost saved his mother from drowning, but he kept dialing 119...
Have you heard about the new Russian STD? Rottsmikokov.
What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.