What's the chunkiest part of vegetable soup?
The wheelchair.
Health Jokes
A pedophile brings his eight-year-old daughter to the doctor's office. The doctor asked her if she would like some candy? Her father replies, "Please, no more candy for her. I gave her enough today."
There was a man in a wheelchair, and he got knocked out in front of a bus. He had a wheelie good life!
Imagine this scenario: a doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses in the world like this: "You have depression, diarrhea, cancer,... etc." and then the last one on the list is that he is deaf.
He is helping world hunger by feeding cancer.
Technoblade can defeat every Minecraft player, but he still can't defeat cancer!
I have a friend who recently stopped smoking, and the withdrawal was causing hallucination. He went to my house and thought there was a shark in the pond in my backyard. So, I would like to dedicate these lyrics to my friend: "I see a dreamer over there by the water!"
Yo mama so fat she can't walk for five seconds without sweating, causing a tsunami!
What do people with cancer always want to watch?
"Finding Chemo."
Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being loud and shouting about all the women they have in port that had given them gonorrhea...
Bloody seamen.
What part of a vegetable is the hardest to eat?
The wheelchair.
My friend died by a truck, why can't I get run over?
Why do oranges wear sunscreen? So they don't peel.
Sometimes I just want to toss a flash bang into a room full of epileptic kids.
I bet you go grocery shopping at the Twinkie Factory.
Man says, "What's Ligma?"
Woman says, "Ligma balls!"
Baby says nothing, she transgender.
Never eat more than you can lift.
What did the hematologist say when his Canadian patient wrote that he's blood type "eh"? "Ah, probably just go with blood typo!"
When Stephen Hawking died, did they take him to the hospital or PC World?
What was the incontinent farmer's greatest problem? He managed his carrot patch but couldn't control his peas!
