Health jokes
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"
He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.
The best part about having autism is being able to make jokes about genociding autistic people and no one can say a damn thing.
What's the difference between me and an old man? No one pulled my life support.
So anyway, this old guy goes to the doctors. The doctor says, "It's bad news, you've got cancer and Alzheimer's." The old guy replies, "At least I've not got cancer!"
What does a kid with cancer and a house fly have in common?
A life expectancy of 15-25 days.
Memes
If you turn Down syndrome upside down, do they have Up syndrome now?
Why did the shark fisherman stop at the abortion clinic?
Because dead babies make the best cum.
What's about 12 inches long, has a purple head, and can make women scream all night?
Cot death.
Imagine there's a funny joke here... imagined it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you're schizophrenic.
When is the best time to go to the dentist?
2:30.
What are the four letters you don't want to hear from a dentist?
I C D K
Your mama is so fat, you can't tell if she's pregnant or not.
What did Stephen Hawking have for breakfast? His left shoulder.
People say rape is bad. It is because I don't want STD and HIV.
Michael Jackson went into an Italian restaurant and died because he choked on 9-year-old meatballs.
Why didn't Biden get the virus?
He sniffed everyone!
One day, he started crying out of nowhere. Everyone started crying with him.
There was a crying pandemic going around.
Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
Social distancing.
What time is it when you cannot walk anymore? Time to get a wheelchair 🦽
The only profession where one could have coronavirus and still go to work is a suicide terrorist.