Health jokes
Why couldn’t Billy go to school today?
The bus driver hit Sally.
What do you call a person whose Lymphoma keeps recurring?
A Lymphomaniac.
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"
He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.
The best part about having autism is being able to make jokes about genociding autistic people and no one can say a damn thing.
What's the difference between me and an old man? No one pulled my life support.
So anyway, this old guy goes to the doctors. The doctor says, "It's bad news, you've got cancer and Alzheimer's." The old guy replies, "At least I've not got cancer!"
If you turn Down syndrome upside down, do they have Up syndrome now?
What does a kid with cancer and a house fly have in common?
A life expectancy of 15-25 days.
Why did the shark fisherman stop at the abortion clinic?
Because dead babies make the best cum.
What's about 12 inches long, has a purple head, and can make women scream all night?
Cot death.
Michael Jackson went into an Italian restaurant and died because he choked on 9-year-old meatballs.
People say rape is bad. It is because I don't want STD and HIV.
What did Stephen Hawking have for breakfast? His left shoulder.
When is the best time to go to the dentist?
2:30.
What are the four letters you don't want to hear from a dentist?
I C D K
Why didn't Biden get the virus?
He sniffed everyone!
Your mama is so fat, you can't tell if she's pregnant or not.
The only profession where one could have coronavirus and still go to work is a suicide terrorist.
Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
Social distancing.
I'd tell a Luigi joke, but it would fall flat faster than the line on his victim's heart monitor.