Health jokes

A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"

Yo mama is so fat when she goes to the dentist, they make her lay face down.

It's all fun and games until they start dancing.

Yo mama so fat when someone asked her to touch her chin, she asked, "Which one?"

What do dentists call their x-rays?

Tooth pics.

What's the natural cure to an old man's inability to forgive people?

Alzheimer's.

Why can't you be gay and in a wheelchair?

Because you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.

I think Kobe misunderstood the 6-ft rule.

I didn't break my back in the accident, thankfully.

But I can break yours today, hopefully.

What do me and a blind person have in common after I look at Alfie's mum?

We're both blind.

"Hey Kels, what's on your arm?"

"Oh, that was the cat."

"We don't have a cat..."

"Oh..."

You're so fat you need butter to get in the car.

Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?

Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

Why did the house go to the doctor?

Because it had a window pane.

Yo mama so fat, when she decides to workout, the stock market goes bankrupt.

I was in a wheelchair for a few weeks last month.

I went through a super traumatic experience, and I *wheely* hope I made a good *roll* model!

I used to hate foot fungus, but now it's growing on me.

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?

Special forces.

I know a lot of people hate tapeworms, but they will always have a special place in my heart.

The COVID-19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.

They fear that social distancing measures could push people over the edge.