Health jokes
When you get injured 😢
When you get injured in America 😭😭😭😭💵💵💵💵💵🏩🏩🏩
Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.
Why are Christmas trees banned at the mental hospital?
They would hang themselves like ornaments.
What part of a vegetable can you not eat?
The wheelchair.
What's the difference between normal sex and anal sex?
One makes your whole day and one makes your hole weak.
Memes
Your hair is receding more than people do when they smell you.
What is big and long and hard?
A cucumber!
What do you call a Japanese person when their knees are cured?
"Happynese" (happy knees).
My wife is so fat.
She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.
I bribbled a kid and he was bribbled hem so hard that his balls came off.
Why are 10-pin bowlers always in pain?
Because their balls have holes in them.
Health feed fights grand gucxsrdcjcgfdz taxicab heaven reflection during harvesting.
What do you call a Panera Bread doctor?
A Panera med.
You're so fat, you drank an invisibility potion, and everyone could still see you!
My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"
Peter: *curses* Sam: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Peter: Ha, joke’s on you! I don’t have a mother.
Tony, having a heart attack: ASFJDHJWNSGREGEJDHFWVWHUSYSG PETER, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!
The companies that made the hand gel sanitizer must be absolutely rubbing their hands together!
What is a girl's favorite song when they are on their period?
"Period, oh period, oww!"
What can run, be an eyesore, and practice social distancing?
Your hairline.
I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!