Health jokes
Why are obese jokes so offensive?
Because fat people have enough on their plate.
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
Why don’t oranges 🍊 go around blind?
Because they take Vitamin See!
The Queen: "I've had a few medical problems this year. I'm so old that my pussy is haunted!"
What's red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
Hydrate guys
A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.
One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."
Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."
Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"
All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"
The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."
You're so ugly the whole world faked a virus just so you could wear a mask.
What’s white and sticky and better to spit out than to swallow? Toothpaste.
What comes after 69?
Mouthwash.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off?
Well, he’s all right now!
Our family is known for unusually sloppy diarrhea.
It runs in our jeans.
My friend died by a truck, why can't I get run over?
Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out.
What's worse than Aaron with Down syndrome?
Aaron with a rope.
Her: "Land of the free".
Me: *fat*
Her: What do you mean?
Me: It's not fat-free.
Someone said to me they like greasy food with gravy.
I said no wonder your forehead's so greasy.
If laughter is the best medicine, shouldn't we go up to disabled people and laugh at them?
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?
Throw them some laundry.
Jeffy: I need a new butt. My old one has a crack in it.
What comes in and comes out, but you should never miss it?
Any ideas?
SHIT!!!!