Health jokes
It puts a whole new spin on meals on wheels. No pun intended.
Anthony Blinken's life sucks, and getting COVID-19 positive is the only positive thing that ever happened in his entire life!
Q. What is Terri Schiavo's favorite Eminem song?
A. "Till I Collapse."
What part of a vegetable can you not eat?
The wheelchair.
I told my friend you should definitely quit smoking, but he could not find me because he was already up in flames.
Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?
A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!
Why does Aaron eat burgers on a Wednesday? Because his spine is bent, and his favorite gun in Apex Legends is the G7 Scout, and he uses the speedy Spanish man.
What do you call it if you find an old organ keyboard on the side of the road?
Organ harvesting.
The doctor said I had two years to live, so I shot him. The warden gave me 50. Problem solved!
What do you call it when you see nothing but pants? Brief psychotic disorder!
Your mama so fat, the scale said, "Only one person at a time, please!"
I got evicted from the hospital today for telling all the patients to stay positive!
What a negative effect!
Yo body so plastic that a turtle could choke on your peeled skin!
POV: You accidentally get H in your IV drip.
Michael J. Fox walks into an ice cream parlor.
The man behind the counter asks Michael, "Can I help you?"
Michael exclaims, "I would like an ice cream."
The man behind the counter asks, "What flavor?"
Michael says, "It doesn't matter what flavor, I'm gonna fucken drop it anyway."
What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?
They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.
What happens when you have a bladder infection? You're in trouble!
Q: What is found deep inside of us, and the more we express our love for each other the more it spreads throughout the world?
A: Covid.
Why can't you say hi to a drug addict?
They'll say "yea."
I'm always forgetting these kinds of jokes. I also forgot my son's name.