Health jokes
TDS? More like STDs.
If there is a guy in a wheelchair and he is a bully, say, "I’m still standing."
"Yo mama so skinny when she swallowed a meatball, everyone thought she was pregnant again."
Post Malone was in the hospital, but he is BETTER NOW.
If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five, and suddenly everyone is yelling. Geez!
You’re so lame, you don’t have a superpower!
"Yah, I do!"
Oh yeah? What is it?
"My diaphragm contracts and moves downwards into my chest cavity and my lungs expand!"
That’s breathing, Jim.
"NO IT’S NOT, JACOB, YOU CAN’T PROVE IT!"
How do you circumcise a hillbilly? You kick his sister in the jaw.
At least he got D.L.A. (Disability Living Allowance), so it's not all bad. Every cloud has a silver lining...even a mushroom cloud.
I was talking to my Welsh friend the other day, and he suddenly started talking Welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke.
Why did the bike fall over? Because I was too tired.
Why did the blind man fall down a well?
Because he couldn’t see that well.
Trump's medical records were just released. According to the brain scan, the left side of his brain has nothing right, while the right side has nothing left.
Baal jharne ke upay?
What’s better than winning a medal at the Paralympics?
Being able to walk.
What do you call a Panera Bread doctor?
A Panera med.
Schools be like "dRuGS arE BaD," then prescribe a 6-year-old Adderall for not wanting to sit in the same spot for 8 hours.
The CCP should be pleased. COVID is the longest thing to have ever been made in China.
My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.
She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.
Dwarfism is a growing problem.
Kidding, that’s not funny. My friend died of dwarfism.
He jumped off a curb stone.
Have you seen the movie "Constipated?"
It hasn’t come out yet.