Health jokes
How do sick Mexicans say hello?
"Ebola."
What do you call a special needs kid with a motorcycle?
Motor disease.
What is a girl's favorite song when they are on their period?
"Period, oh period, oww!"
I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!
Why are 10-pin bowlers always in pain?
Because their balls have holes in them.
Friend: Hi!
Me: Who are you?
Friend: ...your friend?
Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.
Why did the house go to the doctor?
Because it had a window pane.
What do you call two Hispanics with Parkinson's disease?
Maracas.
Keep yourself safe!
It's all fun and games until they start dancing.
Yo mama so fat when someone asked her to touch her chin, she asked, "Which one?"
What do me and a blind person have in common after I look at Alfie's mum?
We're both blind.
"Hey Kels, what's on your arm?"
"Oh, that was the cat."
"We don't have a cat..."
"Oh..."
You're so fat you need butter to get in the car.
What's the natural cure to an old man's inability to forgive people?
Alzheimer's.
Why can't you be gay and in a wheelchair?
Because you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
I think Kobe misunderstood the 6-ft rule.
What is the difference between Nicole Brown Simpson and cancer?
OJ couldn’t kill cancer.
Difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing, no one cares how much lead is in those kids.
What does the word circumcise mean?
Cut off a boy's or a man's dick, or cut off a girl's or a woman's foreskin.