Health jokes
When you get injured 😢
When you get injured in America 😭😭😭😭💵💵💵💵💵🏩🏩🏩
It’s sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient.
He was a great vet.
You lost 30 lbs when you joined Weight Watchers, and lost another 10 lbs when they shaved your back.
Q. What is Terri Schiavo's favorite Eminem song?
A. "Till I Collapse."
You know what's the most awkward situation in the world? A rapper with erectile dysfunction.
Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.
Why are Christmas trees banned at the mental hospital?
They would hang themselves like ornaments.
At least he got D.L.A. (Disability Living Allowance), so it's not all bad. Every cloud has a silver lining...even a mushroom cloud.
The patient said, "When will this be over?"
The doctor said, "After you die."
The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"
The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."
The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"
I'm high and it's very hot.
I need some water, but I don't got none. AHAHA.
Have you heard about kids with AIDS?
It never gets old.
I got kicked out of the hospital because I told all the Covid-19 patients to stay positive.
My friend nearly drowned in her bowl of muesli the other day. She was pulled in by a strong "currant."
My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.
I find it difficult to count to ten in French: un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept.
I can't say the next one because I have a "huit" allergy.
I don’t call it special ED, I call it mixed vegetables.
Why was the director injured?
He couldn't find the right cast!
What can you catch but not throw?
A cold!
I used to have a phobia of pogo sticks. Those things always made me jump.
Would you mind just peeing into this cup, please? It's the one the annoying receptionist uses.