Health jokes
What does a person eat before a race?
Answer: They fast.
Why did the fish go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling “eel.”
Keep rolling your eyes and maybe you'll find a brain back there.
What's the difference between broccoli and a booger?
Kids won't eat broccoli.
Why did the serial killer let the guy in a wheelchair go? Because the guy didn’t really have any body for the serial killer to stab.
After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents, "Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white!"
The mother rushes the boy to the hospital, while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm.
"How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" he exclaims.
The wife looks up at him, "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection!"
What did COVID say to the American?
Nothing, it just took its breath away...
Roses are red, My c0ck is blue, Oh shit, what happened to you?
Comment if you're not vaccinated and don't plan to be!
What does an electric-type Pokémon say when they get gassy while drinking milk?
I’m Zaptos intolerant!
Weirdo: I'm too high to die!
Me: You'll just fall harder.
Why do oranges wear sunscreen? So they don't peel.
Why did Daveon go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling "Daveon" in the dumps.
I'M SOOOO SAD. (I have depression btw)
I bet when you were born, the doctor looked away because of your virginity.
A transgender woman with cancer of the tits only has to pay for half the operation.
Why did the Nurse bring a red pen to work? To draw Blood.
Why did the M&M go to school? To be a smartie.
Why did the monkey bring a ladder to school? To be in highschool.
Doctor: I diagnose you with obesity.
Patient: It runs in the family.
Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.
Mikey don't clean his foreskin dude straight gay.
Q. What do rapists fear more than rabies?
A. Rape babies.