Health jokes
At least he got D.L.A. (Disability Living Allowance), so it's not all bad. Every cloud has a silver lining...even a mushroom cloud.
It puts a whole new spin on meals on wheels. No pun intended.
Q. What is Terri Schiavo's favorite Eminem song?
A. "Till I Collapse."
Q: What is found deep inside of us, and the more we express our love for each other the more it spreads throughout the world?
A: Covid.
Why can't you say hi to a drug addict?
They'll say "yea."
I told my friend you should definitely quit smoking, but he could not find me because he was already up in flames.
I'm always forgetting these kinds of jokes. I also forgot my son's name.
Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?
A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!
Your mama so fat, the scale said, "Only one person at a time, please!"
Anthony Blinken's life sucks, and getting COVID-19 positive is the only positive thing that ever happened in his entire life!
I got evicted from the hospital today for telling all the patients to stay positive!
What a negative effect!
What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?
They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.
Yo body so plastic that a turtle could choke on your peeled skin!
Michael J. Fox walks into an ice cream parlor.
The man behind the counter asks Michael, "Can I help you?"
Michael exclaims, "I would like an ice cream."
The man behind the counter asks, "What flavor?"
Michael says, "It doesn't matter what flavor, I'm gonna fucken drop it anyway."
Why does Aaron eat burgers on a Wednesday? Because his spine is bent, and his favorite gun in Apex Legends is the G7 Scout, and he uses the speedy Spanish man.
POV: You accidentally get H in your IV drip.
What happens when you have a bladder infection? You're in trouble!
I'm high and it's very hot.
I need some water, but I don't got none. AHAHA.
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes a while to put you under.
Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries."