Health jokes

The COVID-19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.

They fear that social distancing measures could push people over the edge.

What do ninjas and depressed people have in common?

They're always cutting.

What’s the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression fucks you harder.

Is their [there] a doctor anywhere?

My mom has a few problems & those problems is [are] that my mom has big tits, fat ass & sweet pussy that needs attention. Help anyone.

My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?

I thought when my friends called me curvy, it was a compliment, but it turns out they were referring to my spine.

I should probably stop making jokes about bulimia. They just leave a bad taste in my mouth.

What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?

One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.

My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.

Difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?

Nothing, no one cares how much lead is in those kids.

My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.

There are 206 bones in the human body.

207 when I'm at a nursery.

How did the cannibal know the girl he was eating for dinner had COVID-19?

She lost her taste.

What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?

Throw in some laundry...

Why did Daveon go to the doctor?

Because he was feeling "Daveon" in the dumps.

My proctologist used to be a photographer. He took x-rays and told me to bend over and say "cheese!"

Why did the rapper go to the optometrist?

Because he needed to improve his RAP VISION.

What do you call a gender neutral person who is lactose intolerant non-bi dairy?

What do priests give children?

Syphilis.

In life, some people have it harder than others.

That's why Viagra exists.