Health jokes

I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!

Your hairline is gone because you never bathed or brushed.

What do you call it when you see nothing but pants? Brief psychotic disorder!

A man walks into a doctor's office, naked and wrapped in Glad Wrap.

The doctor replies with: "I can clearly see your nuts."

You're so fat that when you went outside, you broke the 2-meter rule for COVID.

What happens when you have a bladder infection? You're in trouble!

Why can't you say hi to a drug addict?

They'll say "yea."

I told my friend you should definitely quit smoking, but he could not find me because he was already up in flames.

Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?

A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!

When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:

Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.

A doctor walks into his office and looks his patient in the eyes, "Sir, you have to stop jerking off."

The man asks, "Why?"

The doctor then says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

I constantly wonder how people can live happily ever after, but then I realized that antidepressants don't make you OD.

Which nut is the worst for your diet?

Donuts.

What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?

I don’t care if she has one.

What happens to a nervous nut?

It cracks.

Don’t panic! Stay c-almond collected.

Your mama so fat, the scale said, "Only one person at a time, please!"

What do you call it if you find an old organ keyboard on the side of the road?

Organ harvesting.

The doctor said I had two years to live, so I shot him. The warden gave me 50. Problem solved!