Health jokes
Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.
He: "Do you smoke after sex?" She: "I don't know. I've never looked."
What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?
A trip without kids.
Drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire, but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns.
Q: What will we give to a sick lemon?
A: Lemon aid.
There's a new bird disease, it's called churpies.
It's a canariel disease, untweetable.
How did the tree get sick?
It got tinsel-itis.
Cancer.
If your corona test shows two lines, is that then positive or negative?
What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
I go to Venice to get a bigger penis.
Canada has free health care, here is a link to some Canada Facts! https://www.1stcontact.com/blog/20-interesting-facts-about-canada
When I went to see the doctor, he remarked that he hadn't seen me in a while.
I said that I have been ill.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.
Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed I cut myself…
A piece of cake.
What song is sung when conceiving?
"Let's Get Physical, Physical!"
My doctor told me I had Alzheimer’s.
I said to him, “I don’t remember asking.”
Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.
So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Steve!"
"Steve who?"
Steve cries, aware that his grandmother's Alzheimer's has reached a point where she can no longer remember him.
Dear uncle, I want my condoms.