Health jokes

I got shot once. Now I'm holey.

Why couldn’t Billy go to school today?

The bus driver hit Sally.

When Stephen Hawking died, did they take him to the hospital or PC World?

You're so skinny, if someone farts in your direction, you will fly away.

This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"

What happens when the Twin Towers breathe? They collapse like an orphan with stage 4 cystic fibrosis who lives in the streets of Africa.

Imagine if on April first the government says, "Hahhaha, you all fell for it. Covid-19 is fake; we actually killed all those people, lol."

I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me while he was dying.

It seemed really important to him that I have it.

Always practice safe sex: paint an X on the sheep that kick.

What's red, six inches long, and made my girlfriend cry when I fed it to her?

Her miscarriage.

Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction after eating 12-year-old nuts.

He: "Do you smoke after sex?" She: "I don't know. I've never looked."

You're so fat that I run around you for exercise.

I'm hertophobic.

It means I'm allergic to straights.

All countries will get Covid.

Except China, they got it right off the bat.

What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?

A trip without kids.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding half a worm in your apple!

If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?

Q: What will we give to a sick lemon?

A: Lemon aid.

I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.

It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!