Gas jokes
Why did the noble gas cry?
Because all his friends Argon.
The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?
Did you know that Germany came up with sparkling water?
Who else would think of adding gas?
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
The gas prices are going up so much that even Hitler is killing himself.
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.
"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."
Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.
The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.
The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
What did the turtle do when he ran out of gas?
He went to the Shell station.
Yo mama so dumb, she sold her car for gas money.
Yo mama so poor the ducks throw bread at her.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to take Snoop Dogg for a walk.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to put Vin Diesel in her gas tank.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to mop the floor with Taylor Swift.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to ring Kristen Bell.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to skim Dwayne Johnson across a lake.
My mom said the happier a person is when sick, the sooner they get better.
So I went to the hospital, hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.
Gas is expensive nowadays.
In the 1940s, they got it for free.
If a king farts, is it a noble gas?
Why didn't anyone react when the king farted? -- It was a noble gas.
Chinese takeout $15.00, gas to get there $1.50. Getting home to find they've forgotten one of your dishes... rice-less!
If Hitler had a cooking channel: Step one... Turn on the gas.
So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."
Abortion clinics are kind of like NAZI gas chambers. Less people come out than go in.
I can see Uranus from here, and it's mighty gassy!
Your mom is so fat that if she sits on top of a gas station, she will lower the prices.
Three women—a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead—are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two hours later, their vehicle dies with no gas, and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them.
The brunette brings canteens of water.
The redhead takes a large beach umbrella.
The blonde somehow rips off the car door.
The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?"
To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."