Gas Jokes

Aha

Did you know that Germany came up with sparkling water

Who else would think of adding gas

12345
in Chemist

Why did the noble gas cry?

Because all his friends Argon.

Skyon Archer
in Doctor

An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas. "I don't understand it, Doc", she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas". "Thankfully", she added, "they are at least silent when I fart". Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him. The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled. The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".

VEN-CI
in Sadness

The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?

5
Josiah
in Chuck Norris

One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

0
Anonymous

the gas prices are going up that even Hitler is killing himself

1
Anonymous
in Yo mama

Yo mama so dumb. She sold her car for gas money.~~ Yo mama so poor the ducks throw bread at her.

1
Anonymous
in Animal

What did the turtle do when he ran out of gas?

He went to the Shell station.

Anonymous
in Chemist

Why didn't anyone react when the king farted? -- It was a noble gas.

1
John

My mom said the happier a person is when sick the sooner they get better.

So I went to the hospital hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.

0
no1

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to take Snoop Dog for a walk.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to put Vin Diesel in her gas tank.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to mop the floor with Tayler Swift.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to ring Kristen Bell.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to skim Dwayne Johnson across a lake.

white

So we were working with a new client at work and my boss farts, he said "a little gas never killed anyone

1

If Hitler had a cooking channel: Step one... Turn on the gas.

Anonymous
in Chemist

If a king farts, is it a noble gas?

What type of car did hitler drive? A gas-guzzler.

Anonymous

Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead

Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

So much to do, so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go You'll never shine if you don't glow

[Chorus:] Hey, now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play Hey, now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold

It's a cool place and they say it gets colder You're bundled up now wait 'til you get older But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture

The ice we skate is getting pretty thin The water's getting warm so you might as well swim My world's on fire. How about yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored.

[Chorus 2x]

Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas I need to get myself away from this place I said yep, what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change

Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

So much to do, so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go You'll never shine if you don't glow.

[Chorus]

And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold

Anonymous

Why was Hitler broke? The gas prices are outrageous

Anus McDickNuggets
in German

GOTTVERDAMMT HANS I SAID “GLASS OF JUICE” NOT “GAS ZE JEWS”