Health jokes
What's something the same about a depressed kid and a hanger? They both like to hang.
Why did the sick juice tree go to the hospital? Because it needed lemin-ade (not the cool type of sick, the one where you are in the hospital). Lemin-ade 1st ade.
A lady sees a doctor about a tummy ache. After her check up, the Doctor said, “Looks like you’ll be needing nappies in about 9 months time.”
The lady asks, “Am I pregnant?” To which the Doctor replied, “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
Why didn't the teddy bear go to the gym?
Because he didn't want to get ripped.
"It never gets old."
"Just like a sick kid!"
What would you do if you see a guy suffocating from the heat? I would call and dial 911, holy shit!
I'm better than you in every single way... I even have an extra chromosome.
My grandpa died to ligma.
Ligma balls lol.
My mom told me that her doctor told her personally that she had to keep herself isolated because she has a few new symptoms that are going around, and those symptoms are that she has big titties, a sweet pussy, and a great ass.
All germs are from GERMany.
You're so fat, you went on a scale and it said, "One at a time."
Why did the moderator of worstjokesever.com die?
He had a heart attack because he was a fat loser.
Did you know nine of ten dentists recommend oral sex?
Did you hear that Joe contracted Sugondese Ligma on his trip to Suggon, and now he won’t be able to make it to Saw Con?
I ain't shaking anyone's hand, not because of the Coronavirus... I ain't shaking anyone's hand because y'all out of toilet paper!
Why do mountains go to sleep a lot?
Because they are high.
When is the best time to go to the dentist?
2:30.
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
Answer: cancer.
I find it best to screw people with memory loss. I mean, what's my grandma gonna do? Describe me to the cops?
I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.