Health jokes

What do you call a Panera Bread doctor?

A Panera med.

I bribbled a kid and he was bribbled hem so hard that his balls came off.

What's the difference between normal sex and anal sex?

One makes your whole day and one makes your hole weak.

Health feed fights grand gucxsrdcjcgfdz taxicab heaven reflection during harvesting.

What do you call a Japanese person when their knees are cured?

"Happynese" (happy knees).

You're so fat, you drank an invisibility potion, and everyone could still see you!

My wife is so fat.

She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.

My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"

Peter: *curses* Sam: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Peter: Ha, joke’s on you! I don’t have a mother.

Tony, having a heart attack: ASFJDHJWNSGREGEJDHFWVWHUSYSG PETER, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don’t panic! Stay c-almond collected.

When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:

What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?

I don’t care if she has one.

Why can’t orphans go to the hospital? Because they don’t get homesick.

What happens to a nervous nut?

It cracks.

Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.

If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are probably built upside down.

I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!

Herpes? No, I don't want her. Her pees.

My mom told me to be positive...

I was heading to an HIV test.

If I was God, my parents would be anesthetists.