Health jokes

Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sneaks candy in her fat rolls.

What did the blind deaf orphan child get for Christmas?

cancer.

I thought when my friends called me curvy, it was a compliment, but it turns out they were referring to my spine.

What do you get when you mix Viagra with spinach?

Strong to the finish.

I should probably stop making jokes about bulimia. They just leave a bad taste in my mouth.

When I went to see the doctor, he remarked that he hadn't seen me in a while.

I said that I have been ill.

My reverse psychologist told me I didn't have it in me to make a recovery.

I know a lot of people hate tapeworms, but they will always have a special place in my heart.

What do dentists call their x-rays?

Tooth pics.

What site does a vegetable go to when he/she is stressed?

cornhub.com

Kids in wheelchairs can't stand up for themselves if there's a bully.

When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:

Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?

Yo mama is such a creep; she thought PTSD stood for "Please Touch Small Dicks."

Why did the skeleton not go to prom?

Because he had no body to go with.

Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale the doctor asked for her weight, not her phone number.

Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?

Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

I used to hate foot fungus, but now it's growing on me.

Keep yourself safe!

Friend: Hi!

Me: Who are you?

Friend: ...your friend?

Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.

Yo mama is so fat when she goes to the dentist, they make her lay face down.