Dad jokes

Yo mama is so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

"The dad was so horny he wanted to have sex with his wife, but his wife said no, so he fucked his daughter."

Roses are red, flowers naturally cannot be black.

I heard that your dad's in jail for selling crack!

Why does an orphanage have milk?

Because Dad never came back with the milk.

Yo dad is so hairy, people chased him because they thought he was Bigfoot.

Why shouldn't you trust trees? Because they seem shady.

This isn't a joke. My dad went to the shops for some bread 16 years ago. He still hasn't returned. Should I be worried yet? Or should I wait a year?

I told my dad to get me a packet of cigarettes, he never came back.

AND I still didn't get my FUCKING CIGARETTES!

My dad said he'd be back later after he walked out the door with a suitcase.

Who takes a suitcase to the grocery store? Silly daddy!

Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Dad!

Dad who?

Silence.

When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."

What do you call a cow without any legs?

Ground beef!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhhahahaa

Stolen dad jokes: "I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered."

I walk in on my mum and she's in the middle of pulling off my dad's boxers. I said, "Mum, you really spoil those dogs!"

What's the quickest way to get to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.

What do you do after raping a deaf person? Cut their fingers off so they don't tell anyone.

MORE JOKES COMING SOON LMAO ;]

Little Johnny's neighbor just had a baby. He got invited to dinner with his neighbor. Little Johnny's dad said if he mentioned "ears" he will get a spank.

So Johnny looked in the bassinet. They were talking about the new baby. Johnny's mum said, "What beautiful eyes."

"That is great," said little Johnny, "because he will be stuffed if he needed glasses."

Someone walks up to his dad and says, "Dad, what’s the difference between potentiality and reality?" Soo ok, the dad says to the son, "Go ask your mother, sister, and your brother if they’d sleep with the postman for $1,000,000." So the son comes back 5 minutes later and said, "Dad, they all said they would sleep with the postman." So, son, potentially, we have a million dollars, but in reality, we have two sluts and a gay one."

Are your parents bakers? Because you're a cutie pie.

Are you a loan? Because you've got my interest.

Is your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout!

If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.

Are you an artist? Because you’re really good at drawing me in.

I believe in following my dreams. Can I have your Instagram?

If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple.

If you were a flower, you'd be a daaaaaamn-delion!

Son: Yo dawg, tell me a story.

Dad: Y'all motherfuckers ain't gon' believe dis shit, so there was dis fairy aight, she had wings, so she flys into a KFC, and comes out with wings, chicken wings.

Also, why did Hawking try to walk across the road? His wheelchair only goes 1 mph, so he got hit by a bus.

Kid: I'm hungry.

Dad Bot: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

Teenager: I'm Hitler did nothing wrong.

Dad Bot: Hi Hitler did nothing wrong, I'm dad.

Nazi: Finally!