Dad jokes

I went to ask my friend's mom if I could have a sleepover.

Then I remembered they did not have a mom or dad.

Teacher: What is your least favorite holiday?

Orphan: National Forgive Your Mom And Dad Day.

Teacher: Why is that your least favorite?

Orphan: Because I don't have any parents to forgive.

Teacher: *tries to hold back* HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Why are orphans bad at dad jokes?

Because they don't have a dad to tell them.

My dad walked in on me having sex with a dog. She gasped and shouted at me, "Get out of here, it's my turn!"

Son: Dad, I need a new butt.

Dad: Why, son?

Son: Because mine has a huge crack in it.

What do you call a girl with one leg? Ilean.

So one day a boy was at his dad's work when another little boy ran in crying. Then the dad said, "Aw, little boy, are you lost? Where's your parents?" And the little boy at his dad's work said, "OMG! Dad, you can't say that!"

Why can't he say that?

Answer: He works at an orphanage.

My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!

My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.

He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"

My dad said he'd be back later after he walked out the door with a suitcase.

Who takes a suitcase to the grocery store? Silly daddy!

This isn't a joke. My dad went to the shops for some bread 16 years ago. He still hasn't returned. Should I be worried yet? Or should I wait a year?

I told my dad to get me a packet of cigarettes, he never came back.

AND I still didn't get my FUCKING CIGARETTES!

Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted. Me and my dad were just texting.

What do you call a cow without any legs?

Ground beef!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhhahahaa

Yo dad is so hairy, people chased him because they thought he was Bigfoot.

Stolen dad jokes: "I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered."

Yo mama is so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

Why shouldn't you trust trees? Because they seem shady.

Roses are red, flowers naturally cannot be black.

I heard that your dad's in jail for selling crack!

What's the quickest way to get to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.

What do you do after raping a deaf person? Cut their fingers off so they don't tell anyone.

MORE JOKES COMING SOON LMAO ;]