Dad jokes

So one day a boy was at his dad's work when another little boy ran in crying. Then the dad said, "Aw, little boy, are you lost? Where's your parents?" And the little boy at his dad's work said, "OMG! Dad, you can't say that!"

Why can't he say that?

Answer: He works at an orphanage.

I wasn’t close to my dad when he died. It’s a good thing he stepped on a land mine.

What do you call a cow without any legs?

Ground beef!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhhahahaa

Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted. Me and my dad were just texting.

My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!

My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.

He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"

My dad said he'd be back later after he walked out the door with a suitcase.

Who takes a suitcase to the grocery store? Silly daddy!

This isn't a joke. My dad went to the shops for some bread 16 years ago. He still hasn't returned. Should I be worried yet? Or should I wait a year?

Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Dad!

Dad who?

Silence.

I told my dad to get me a packet of cigarettes, he never came back.

AND I still didn't get my FUCKING CIGARETTES!

Why do orphans only drink water in cereal?

'Cause Dad never brought home the milk...

I walk in on my mum and she's in the middle of pulling off my dad's boxers. I said, "Mum, you really spoil those dogs!"

Why can't orphans play soccer? Because they can't practice with their dad.

Ask an orphan this: "What's the difference between cancer and your dad? Cancer comes back!"

Your dad? Oh wait, you don’t have that!

Yo dad is so hairy, people chased him because they thought he was Bigfoot.

Why shouldn't you trust trees? Because they seem shady.

Why does an orphanage have milk?

Because Dad never came back with the milk.

My Dad: Son, history always repeats itself.

Me: So you're gonna leave me again?

You know what orphans and I have in common? Our dads both left for the milk.