Dad jokes

So one day a boy was at his dad's work when another little boy ran in crying. Then the dad said, "Aw, little boy, are you lost? Where's your parents?" And the little boy at his dad's work said, "OMG! Dad, you can't say that!"

Why can't he say that?

Answer: He works at an orphanage.

What do you call a girl with one leg? Ilean.

My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!

My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.

He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"

Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted. Me and my dad were just texting.

Yo mama is so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

"The dad was so horny he wanted to have sex with his wife, but his wife said no, so he fucked his daughter."

Roses are red, flowers naturally cannot be black.

I heard that your dad's in jail for selling crack!

Why does an orphanage have milk?

Because Dad never came back with the milk.

Yo dad is so hairy, people chased him because they thought he was Bigfoot.

Why shouldn't you trust trees? Because they seem shady.

This isn't a joke. My dad went to the shops for some bread 16 years ago. He still hasn't returned. Should I be worried yet? Or should I wait a year?

I told my dad to get me a packet of cigarettes, he never came back.

AND I still didn't get my FUCKING CIGARETTES!

My dad said he'd be back later after he walked out the door with a suitcase.

Who takes a suitcase to the grocery store? Silly daddy!

Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Dad!

Dad who?

Silence.

When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."

What do you call a cow without any legs?

Ground beef!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhhahahaa

Stolen dad jokes: "I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered."

I walk in on my mum and she's in the middle of pulling off my dad's boxers. I said, "Mum, you really spoil those dogs!"

What's the quickest way to get to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.

What do you do after raping a deaf person? Cut their fingers off so they don't tell anyone.

MORE JOKES COMING SOON LMAO ;]