Bird jokes
What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?
For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.
What did the bird do when he ate the expired worm?
He flew up!
What do crows use when they get a phone?
A "CAWing" card!
What’s a bird’s favorite movie?
The Parrots of the Caribbean.
Hey, you know those birds and lizards that feast on decaying flesh?
Oh, sorry, I shouldn't carrion about it.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to Birds Eye.
What is the difference between a tree and a school?
A school is for kids, and a tree is for birds.
What bird doesn’t need a comb?
Bald eagles.
What do you do with a broken bird? You re-parrot!
I call my friends Dodo birds. Because they don't exist.
The early bird might get the worm...
But the second mouse gets the cheese.
Dad fucked Mom.
Mom fucked son.
Son fucked sister.
Sister fucked dog.
Dog fucked cat.
Cat fucked bird.
Bird fucked fish.
Fish fucked Dad.
Dad really liked it!
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Cakatoo."
"Cakatoo who?"
"So, you're a Rooster now?"
What’s the difference between a bird and a human?
“We don’t eat with our peckers.”
A teacher asks a boy in her class, "If 3 birds are sitting on a fence, and one is shot, how many are left?" The boy responds with, "None." The teacher asks why. "They would all fly away after hearing the gunshot." The teacher says, "The answer is 2, but I like the way you think."
Later, the boy asks the teacher, "3 women walk out of an ice cream shop. One is eating with a spoon, one is licking it, and one is sucking it. Which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking it." The boy says, "No, the one wearing the ring, but I like the way you think."
Where do Eagles send their children to study?
The Alpha birds.
What did the bird say to the other bird?
Nothing, because birds can't talk.
What does a bird say when it gets sick?
I flu!
What do you call a funny chicken?
A comedi-hen!
What's the difference between a bird and jam?
You can ham your cock in a bird, but you can't bird your cock in a jam.