What’s the difference between a bird and a human? “We don’t eat with our peckers

A teacher asks a boy in her class “If 3 birds are sitting on a fence, and one is shot, how many are left?” The boy responds with “None.” The teacher asks why. “They would all fly away after hearing the gunshot.” The teacher says, "The answer is 2, but I like the way you think. Later, the boy asks the teacher “3 women walk out of an ice cream shop. One is eating with a spoon, one is licking it, and one is sucking it. Which one is married?” The teacher says “The one sucking it.” The boy says “No, the one wearing the ring, but I like the way you think.”

A friend was doing bird puns on me. Then I realised that toucan play a game.

Why are birds good at social media? Because they ‘tweet’ all the time!!!?

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

If 4 birds are sitting on a fence and one gets shot how many are there still on the fence

None the rest fly away

A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

Hey, you know those birds and lizards that feast on decaying flesh? Oh, sorry, I shouldn’t carrion about it.

my bird. PRETTY BIRD! PRETTY BIRD !

others CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP!

what do crows use when they get a phone? a CAWing card!

Why couldn’t anyone see the bird

Because it was in da sky’s

My friend was annoying me with bird puns I realized toucan play at this game

What’s a bird’s favorite movie? The Parrots of the Caribbean.

What’s the difference between Bird flu and swine flu? – For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.

“Knock knock.” “Who’s there?” “Cakatoo” “Cakatoo who?” “So you’re a Rooster now?”

A man decides on a day that it is time to buy a pet. He goes to the pet store, looks around and sees a beautiful parrot, sitting quietly on a stick in his cage. Yet the beast has no feet and paws. “What is the matter with you?” the man thinks aloud. “Well, that’s how I was born, I’m actually a faulty parrot” says the bird. “Haha,” the man laughs, “it seems like that parrot understands what I’m saying and even answers!” “I understand everything you say, I am extremely intelligent and very well educated,” says the bird. “Well, if you’re so smart then tell me how you can stay on your stick without legs.” “Well,” says the parrot, “it’s a bit embarrassing, but okay, I wrap my little parrot penis around the stick, like a hook, but I hide that with my thick feathers.” “Wow, you really understand everything I say, do not you?” “Yes, yes,” replies the bird, "and I speak Spanish and English fluently, I can speak on a level about almost everything, politics, religion, sport and philosophy and I specialize in bird science, you should buy me, I am also a very good friend for you. " The man looks at the price tag, 200 euros is on it. “Sorry, I can not afford that.” “Psst,” whispers the parrot as he beckons the man with his wing closer. "Nobody wants me because I do not have legs, just bid 25 euros and you can take me with you." The man offers 25 euros and walks 5 minutes later with the parrot out of the store. A few weeks pass. The parrot is sensational. He is fun and interesting, gives good advice, is sympathetic to everyone, in short; the perfect roommate and friend. One day the man comes home from work and the parrot says “Pssssssssssst” while he beckons his wing again. The man comes close to the cage. “I do not know if I should tell you this,” says the parrot, “but it’s about your wife and the postman.” “What!?” says the man. “Well, the postman came to the door and your wife greeted him in a nothing disguised nightgown and kissed him flat on the mouth.” “And then,” the man hisses, “What happened then?” “Well, the postman came in, grabbed her nightgown and started caressing her everywhere.” “My God,” says the now furious man, “And what else did they do?” “Then he took off her nightgown, went through his knees and started to lick her everywhere, starting at her breasts and getting further and further down.” “And then, what happened, what else did they do?” the man screams . “No idea,” says the papgaai, “I got a boner and thundered off my stick …”

Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window. When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn’t just walked through the door. The owner responded, “I’m pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food.” When the man looked confused, the owner said; “Windows are nature’s vending machine.”

Famous last words. Twin towers: “is it a bird, is it superman, AAAAAHHHHHH SHHHHHIIIIIIIIIZZ”

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to birds eye

Why did the one eyed chicken cross the road? To get to birds eye