Age jokes

A priest walks into a wine store.

"Do you have any 10-year-olds?" Seller: "What the f- Oh, you meant 10-year-old wine." Priest: "I said what I said."

When my grandpa was 65, he decided to run a mile a day to keep fit.

He's 70 now, and we have no idea where he is.

What's the best thing about f***ing twenty-six year olds?

There's twenty of them.

How are babies and the elderly similar?

They are both fun to throw out of moving cars.

So, I text my girlfriend and told her I wanted to get inside her. Can you believe she replied: "Not again brother, I'm only 8."

Who is the oldest Dave?

Daveon.

A famous celebrity admitted that she was non-straight, suffered from a rare condition that changed the colour of her skin, did not age well, only wanted to be compensated for her work in the 5th month of each year at her favourite store while laying down:

TO GET FAYE'S WAY, PAY GRAY, GRAY, GAY FAYE WRAY IN MAY AND LAY HER DOWN AT "THE BAY". OK!!!

For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:

Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."

Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."

Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

SLADE is proof that mental aging can go in REVERSE.

I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.

What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?

They are not for kids.

Why didn't Michael Jackson date 25 year olds?

Because there were only 20 of them.

What's the same about dark humor and kids with cancer?

They never get old.

I encountered a milf at a bar last night. Although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy.

We were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time.

Then, she asked me flirtatiously,

"Have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"

I said, "Nope, not yet."

She drank a little more, and said, "Well, darling, tonight is your lucky night."

So she took me to her place.

She took out her keys, opens her door, turns on the light, and she yells towards upstairs,

"Mom, are you still awake?"

Me: I have the body of a 28 year old.

Her: Prove it.

Me: (opens freezer)

When I go to weddings, old people will tell me I'm next, but when I go to funerals, I tell old people they're next.

Your hairline is so far back that it killed the dinosaurs.

Yo mama so old that when she farts, she farts dust!

Addison Banks Age (8)

"I'm a little brat who won't shut the hell up! And stop talking!"

What’s the best part about having sex with twenty-six year olds?

There’s twenty of them.