I was listening to my children praying. And my youngest that can speak said to me: "Mama, why is Gramma dead?" I smiled and told her, "Well, less than 10 years ago when I was 5, your age, my Momma took me into the basement with some hot rando during a party. And 9 months later Shinana was born. One Pedo after another and your 4 siblings are born. The Pedo I met last night told me, 'If your mother's the one making you do this, do what you do best.' I listened and the next day she didn't leave her bed breathing. When the Pedo found out he left me and your soon to be brother." She replies with, "Make his child support expensive!" Now he has to pay me 2,000 U.S. dollars every month. Like the other ones that ran away.
What's the difference between a mole and a priest?
One will till your 13 to put hairs on your face.
The Queen: "I've had a few medical problems this year. I'm so old that my pussy is haunted!"
A little chimney said: "Ooooh, I think my house owner is making a fire in me! I'm about to smoke!"
The big chimney said next to him: "Well, you're too young to smoke..."
Yo mama so old, she witnessed Noah building the ark.
Yo mama so lazy that she didn’t give birth to you until you were 15.
Why does rapboat like underage girls? Cos grown ass girls are too clever for him.
"That's not my age; it's just not true.
My heart is young; the time just flew.
I'm staring at this strange old face, and someone else is in my space."
A 90 year old man takes a Viagra.
Strips off naked, lies down in an alley way. Three chicks walk on by: a blond, a brunette, and a red head.
The red head said, "I'm not letting that go to waste," so she strips off and rides him. When she's finished,
The brunette then strips off naked and rides him. The blond's now worried because she just got her period. The red head sez, "He's dead. Don't let it go to waste," so she strips off naked and rides him. Then he wakes up. He then says, "Wow, two jump starts and a blood transfusion. I'm good to go!"
Your mama is so old that she forgot her donkey on Noah's Ark.
When I masturbate, things cum.
When an old man does, no one cums.
A cop pulls over an old man.
The cop walks up to the old man and says, "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
The old man said, "No."
I will make a funny joke if you let me be your boyfriend. I'm 19 and I am Russian.
Why didn't R. Kelly go to Germany to fuck teens? The legal age there is 14...Like bro hop on a plane and fuck a 14 year old hooker!
Have you ever seen that weird ad that pops up at the bottom: sexy Russian babes looking for men older than 30, and they're 18, so is it a reverse pedo? Oh well.
What does a middle aged man live in?
A retarded kid he keeps in the van.
An 80-year-old blind man asks his grandson, "Can you grab my glasses?"
Then the grandson says, "Did you get in the flour again?"
Grandpa said, "No, it was the weed."
Borthwick's hairline.
Me: Ok so let's get this straight....
Cop: I'm not straight ok, now get in the car.
Me: But I didn't do anything?
Cop: No.
Me: So why are you arresting me then?
Cop: Imma tell you a story.
Me: Oh no.......
Cop: I know, now come on.
Me: Ok where?
Cop: My room.
Me: Which room?
Cop: My bedroom.
Me: 😱I'm a girl.
Cop: So am I, now get in.
Me: But I'm 9.
Cop: I'm 59.
When I try to eat, but I hurt my feet. When I using a hoe, but I hurt my toe. When I going to a doctor, but then I get trolled. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I using a copper, but I enveloped by a hopper. When I trying to draw someone, but it ended up with a punishment. When I spit on a bunny, it jumps right on me. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I growing older, someone called me a slacker. When I was 33, I bumped into a tree. When I getting angry, people calls me crazy lady. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
