Age jokes

An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.

"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.

The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.

"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."

I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.

I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."

"But why?" I replied.

"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.

"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.

It's often said that people peaked in high school.

I think Trump peaked in kindergarten.

What goes up but never comes down? Your age. You have probably heard this joke before.

Why are cops worried about drunk drivers and not elderly drivers?

My grandad and your hairline go way back.

I like my women like I like my scotch:

12 years old and mixed with coke.

Political correctness has gone too far! You have to say "cognitive decline" rather than "Alzheimer's ridden shitbag"!

My girlfriend called me pedophile today.

Big word for a 12-year-old.

If it does more than pee, it's too old for me!

What do you call a 90-year-old black man?

Antique farming equipment.

An old man goes to a church and is making a confession:

Man: "Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18-year-old."

Father: "When was the last time you made a confession?"

Man: "I never have, I am Jewish."

Father: "Then why are telling me all this?"

Man: "I’m telling everybody!"

If her internal clock can tock, she can sit on my cock.

If her internal clock can tick, she can sit on my dick.

If her age is on the timer, I don't care if she's a minor.

Did you know there are black holes billions of years old?

What’s more amazing is the black holes Stephen Hawking studied. We're only 14 years old.

I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.

What is a pedophile's favorite age range?

9-11.

My woman is a nine on a bad day, but she’ll be 10 on her birthday.