Age jokes

Babe, I'm breaking up with you.

Why? I'm turning 18 tomorrow.

Yo mama's so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off.

Can't have a smoke with my girl after sex, she's asthmatic.

Plus, she's too young to smoke.

Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are only 5 years old, yet you know how to give great head.

A prisoner dug out of prison. He appeared in a playground. He said, "I'm free, I'm free!" A kid said, "So what? I'm four."

My girlfriend called me a pedophile. That's a big word for a six-year-old.

You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"

Why did the 18-year-old girl need a ladder to go to school?

Because it was High School.

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

*Aye, Matey!*

What did the pretty young pre-pubescent 14 year old boy say when he got a homosexual pedophile for Christmas?

He said he was awfully touched!

What is common with dark humor and unvaccinated kids?

Neither do ever grow old.

What’s the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?

Slicker hair back she looks 15.

Why are Palestinian boys so eager to grow a beard?

So they can use their mum's ID to get in the club.

I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."

"But why?" I replied.

"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.

"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.

What's the most between my uncle and aunt?

My aunt waited until I was 14 to come on my face.

Me: What's the difference between me and my grandpa?

Friends: What?

Me: I've been alive for the past 14 years.

Why is the last part of orphanage "age?"

Because it doesn't matter your age.

How do you check that a rabbit is old?

You check how many gray hares it has.

"Let girls live" is 9 years old, OMG, right?

I hate my birthday. For my first birthday my mom gave me my life. I liked it when it was new and fun. Now it's broken and sad and I wanna take it back.