Age jokes
Mother, father, and a son. Father purchased a robot that can detect lies. The robot slaps when you lie.
During dinner time: Father: Son, what have you done today? Son: I watched Netflix, Dad. Robot: Stood up and slapped the son! Son: Okay! Okay! I watched porn, Dad. Dad: What? You watched porn? You are only 14! I never knew porn till I was 18 years of age. Robot: Stood up and slapped the Dad! Mother: Started to laugh and said "Sure he is your son!" Robot: Stood up and slapped the mother!
Hehe
As a son, I like sports, and I watch sports with my mom. So one day, we were looking at football. My mom asked me who makes the most money. I said the quarterback.
My mom told me I'm going to get a quarterback as my new boyfriend, and it'll be your new stepfather. A week later, my mom went out. I came home, and I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said, "What's going on?" My mom said, "Look, my new boyfriend and new stepfather is the high school quarterback." My mom said, "See, mission accomplished." I said, "Yeah, job well done."
What is the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?
Slick her hair back, she looks 15.
What’s the best thing about fucking twenty-eight year olds?
There’s twenty of them!
Me: What's the difference between me and my grandpa?
Friends: What?
Me: I've been alive for the past 14 years.
Is it weird that a milk carton has a date, and I don’t?
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"
What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.
What store has the most vegetables?
A nursing home.
How does a paedophile know if he's good at sex?
It'll forever be a mystery because the victims [are] too young to scream his name.
Why are Palestinian boys so eager to grow a beard?
So they can use their mum's ID to get in the club.
What do you call a 96-year-old who can still masturbate?
Miracle Whip.
What’s the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?
Slicker hair back she looks 15.
Yo mama's so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off.
Your momma is so old, when she went to the antique store, they wouldn't let her leave.
Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are only 5 years old, yet you know how to give great head.
Why can’t orphans watch Netflix?
Because they don't know what age rate they are...
When you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen. When you turn 16, you get a DM from Prince Andrew.
Can't have a smoke with my girl after sex, she's asthmatic.
Plus, she's too young to smoke.
My girlfriend called me a pedophile. That's a big word for a six-year-old.