Age jokes
What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.
What store has the most vegetables?
A nursing home.
What’s the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?
Slicker hair back she looks 15.
When you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen. When you turn 16, you get a DM from Prince Andrew.
Why are Palestinian boys so eager to grow a beard?
So they can use their mum's ID to get in the club.
Memes
What is common with dark humor and unvaccinated kids?
Neither do ever grow old.
Your momma is so old, when she went to the antique store, they wouldn't let her leave.
Yo mama's so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off.
My girlfriend called me a pedophile. That's a big word for a six-year-old.
A prisoner dug out of prison. He appeared in a playground. He said, "I'm free, I'm free!" A kid said, "So what? I'm four."
Can't have a smoke with my girl after sex, she's asthmatic.
Plus, she's too young to smoke.
Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are only 5 years old, yet you know how to give great head.
You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"
Why can’t orphans watch Netflix?
Because they don't know what age rate they are...
Babe, I'm breaking up with you.
Why? I'm turning 18 tomorrow.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
*Aye, Matey!*
Why did the 18-year-old girl need a ladder to go to school?
Because it was High School.
I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."
"But why?" I replied.
"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.
"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.
What's the most between my uncle and aunt?
My aunt waited until I was 14 to come on my face.
I like my women like I like my scotch:
12 years old and mixed with coke.