Age jokes
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"
What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.
What store has the most vegetables?
A nursing home.
How does a paedophile know if he's good at sex?
It'll forever be a mystery because the victims [are] too young to scream his name.
You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"
When you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen. When you turn 16, you get a DM from Prince Andrew.
Why did the 18-year-old girl need a ladder to go to school?
Because it was High School.
Why can’t orphans watch Netflix?
Because they don't know what age rate they are...
Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are only 5 years old, yet you know how to give great head.
Your momma is so old, when she went to the antique store, they wouldn't let her leave.
Yo mama's so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off.
Babe, I'm breaking up with you.
Why? I'm turning 18 tomorrow.
Can't have a smoke with my girl after sex, she's asthmatic.
Plus, she's too young to smoke.
A prisoner dug out of prison. He appeared in a playground. He said, "I'm free, I'm free!" A kid said, "So what? I'm four."
My girlfriend called me a pedophile. That's a big word for a six-year-old.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
*Aye, Matey!*
What’s the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?
Slicker hair back she looks 15.
Why are Palestinian boys so eager to grow a beard?
So they can use their mum's ID to get in the club.
What is common with dark humor and unvaccinated kids?
Neither do ever grow old.
I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."
"But why?" I replied.
"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.
"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.