Age jokes
As a son, I like sports, and I watch sports with my mom. So one day, we were looking at football. My mom asked me who makes the most money. I said the quarterback.
My mom told me I'm going to get a quarterback as my new boyfriend, and it'll be your new stepfather. A week later, my mom went out. I came home, and I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said, "What's going on?" My mom said, "Look, my new boyfriend and new stepfather is the high school quarterback." My mom said, "See, mission accomplished." I said, "Yeah, job well done."
What is the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?
Slick her hair back, she looks 15.
What’s the best thing about fucking twenty-eight year olds?
There’s twenty of them!
Me: What's the difference between me and my grandpa?
Friends: What?
Me: I've been alive for the past 14 years.
Is it weird that a milk carton has a date, and I don’t?
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"
What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.
What store has the most vegetables?
A nursing home.
How does a paedophile know if he's good at sex?
It'll forever be a mystery because the victims [are] too young to scream his name.
What do you call a 96-year-old who can still masturbate?
Miracle Whip.
Why are Palestinian boys so eager to grow a beard?
So they can use their mum's ID to get in the club.
What’s the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?
Slicker hair back she looks 15.
When you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen. When you turn 16, you get a DM from Prince Andrew.
You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"
Your momma is so old, when she went to the antique store, they wouldn't let her leave.
Yo mama's so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off.
Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are only 5 years old, yet you know how to give great head.
Can't have a smoke with my girl after sex, she's asthmatic.
Plus, she's too young to smoke.
Babe, I'm breaking up with you.
Why? I'm turning 18 tomorrow.
Why can’t orphans watch Netflix?
Because they don't know what age rate they are...