Aed jokes
I was exploring a haunted mansion when I encountered a ghost named Pristiano Penaldo. He asked if I supported Burnley as he wanted to statpad against me. Luckily, I pulled out my trusty Liverpool shirt, and he disappeared. Shame on you, Penaldo.
How do necrophiles get consent? A ouija board.
What is the coolest bath bomb for emos?
A toaster.
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.
What's the difference between an emo kid and a leaf? Only the leaf reaches the ground.
There has to be a connection
What makes sad people jump? A bridge.
Why did the Polish urologist cut his cock off with a knife?
To take care of his erectile dysfunction.
A normal kid brings an MP3 to school.
A rich kid brings an MP4 to school.
A quiet kid brings an MP5.
Man 1: Why don’t we just put all the debt in the world on one man, then kill him?
Man 2: We tried that once. It started a cult.
One hat told another hat to stay behind, and he will go on a-head.
A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.
So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.
Define abnormal life.
Waking up every day living a sane life!
What do you say before you jump off a building?
Parkour!
My friend asked me why I know how to tie a noose.
I told them, "because I’m such a noose-ance."
Never take a person canoeing or kayaking if they had a cerebrovascular accident.
They’ll hear the one word they hate the most: “STROKE, STROKE, STROKE!”
My girlfriend said onions were the only foods that make you cry.
Until I threw a watermelon in her face.
What do you call a suicide bomber in a wheelchair?
An RCXD (remote control explosive).
A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!"
I once fought with a man in a wheelchair.
He couldn't stand a chance.
Q: What comes before 47?
A: AK