Debt jokes

Me: Hey dad, I'm in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal!

Dad: Hi in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal! I'm dad!

Man 1: Why don’t we just put all the debt in the world on one man, then kill him?

Man 2: We tried that once. It started a cult.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

My bank loves me. They told me my credit card balance is outstanding.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."

If the government can print money,

Then why are we paying taxes?

Who do the United States owe trillions of dollars to?

Jew-piter.

Just give me my money (clap clap clap).

Why is Trump always in debt? His university isn't paid off yet!

What is Johnny Depp's new legal name?

Johnny in debt.

Your hairline be lookin' like my negative bank account balance -1,000,000.

What do you call a rapper with bad credit?

Lil Borrow.

They say the only curves Daveon likes are on his credit card statements.

So I was sitting on my couch, watching this homophobic TV show all about "straight and great". But then I remember, "Aren't I part of the LGBTQ?"

So I say, "Oh my God, let's throw it out the window because that would be a good idea!" But then it gets run over by 123,456,789 cars. It gave me a $150,000 fine. Guess I'm broke.

Clear all your debts with one easy payment. Buy a shotgun and blow your head off.

I take debt of 25,000 euro. I spend 20,000 in charity, and 5000 euro are left. I pay the debt of 2000 euro and I have to pay now 23,000 euro to bank, and 3000 euro I have in profit, 23,000 +3000 >> 26000 ;)

So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis. We talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing with her about being suicidal. She's been very helpful throughout it. I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.

Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.

An old lady in the bank told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.