Aed jokes

What does a necrophiliac get at a wedding?

Mourning wood.

Why can’t orphans say "I’m in the ghetto?" Because they can’t say "I’m in a home."

What do you call a lost Indian woman? Ms. Singh.

Q: Why did the chef get fired?

A: He took cooking advice from Hitler!

Little Johnny was playing outside and steps on a honeybee. His dad sees this and says, "I saw what you did and for that, you get no honey for two weeks." Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like honey anyway." About fifteen minutes later, Little Johnny is playing with the butterflies and rips the wings off of one. His dad bursts out and says, "I saw that, and for it you get no butter for a month." Little Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like butter anyway." Both Little Johnny and his dad go in for dinner. Johnny's mother sees a cockroach on the ground and steps on it. Little Johnny looks and smiles and says, "Do you want to tell her or should I?"

I saw a beautiful homeless girl and asked if I could take her out on a date. She politely accepted and enjoyed herself. Soon after, I asked if I could take her home, she smiled and nodded her head. Her smile disappeared when she saw me running away with her cardboard box.

I don't always roll a joint, but when I do, it's my ankle.

What do you call a cow jumping over barbed wire? Utter destruction.

I asked my friend if he would take a bullet for the last person he slept with.

He said hell yeah, I'd do anything for my sister!

Why was baptism invented?

How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys?

How do you make an emo jump?

A cliff.

An orphan's first word would be "orphan keeper."

What do you call an avocado that got shot? Glockamole.

What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?

A meltdown.

If you're going to be a smart ass, you have to be smart, or you're just an ass.

Are you a bowling ball? Because I want to stick 3 fingers in you.

Teacher: I was an orphan once.

Student: Oof.

Teacher: Who are we missing?

Student: Your parents.

My wife accused me of being a cross-dresser, so I packed up her clothes and left.

So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.

What do you call an Afghan in the bath? A bath bomb.