What do you call an autistic kid coming to school with a gun?
Special Forces incoming!
Violence Jokes
You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded. What is the first thing you do?
Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.
Teachers at a school shooting be like: damn it. That's the third one this week and it's only Monday.
When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.
What's black and white and red all over?
A massacre at a funeral.
What hit the floor first, the kid or the feather?
The feather.
The rope stopped the kid.
What's white and bloody?
Two doves in a trash compactor. Talk about a failed marriage.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun.
Jack got mad and kicked Jill in the ass because she couldn't make him cum.
I keep looking for my girlfriend's killer, but no one wants to do it.
What's the difference between property and women? At least property still retains some value after getting wrecked.
Sara opens her lunch and reads the letter inside. "I packed your favorite -love mom," Sara reaches in and announces "yay PB and J!" Tom goes in his lunch and pulls out a letter "go buy yourself something healthy at the cafeteria -Dad," then pulls out 20 bucks and says "nice!" They both look at Craig as he pulls out a letter. Craig reads the letter in his head, it said "WE HAVE YOUR PARENTS, THEY TELL US THEY KEEP THE MONEY UNDER THEIR BED. BRING $10 000 TO THE RANDAVOU POINT OR THEY WILL BE KILLED. YOU DIDN'T TAKE US SERIOUSLY LAST TIME SO THERE IS MORE PROOF IN YOUR LUNCH." Craig throws down the letter and pulls a finger out of his lunch. Tom and Sara look shocked, then Craig says "ugh, severed finger, again!"
A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.
A normal kid brings an MP3 to school.
A rich kid brings an MP4 to school.
A quiet kid brings an MP5.
The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"
The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"
The school shooter: "I don't know."
The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."
Roses are red, peanuts are tan. I am joining the Ku Klux Klan.
Q: What comes before 47?
A: AK
So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'
I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
How many children does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw.
I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got excited and asked if I could drive a plane.
Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.