Violence jokes
A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school, and the teacher replies, "Are you that same person who took Jimmy?"
The man replies, "Yes," and the teacher says, "Take Susie too; she's being a little bitch."
You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded. What is the first thing you do?
Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.
[being buried alive]
Murderer: *out of breath* How are you eating the dirt so quickly?
What do you call an autistic kid coming to school with a gun?
Special Forces incoming!
When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.
Memes
I got a lot running through my head right now. I wish at least one was a 12-gauge round.
What's black and white and red all over?
A massacre at a funeral.
Why is rape worse than death?
Because dead people get way more attention.
What hit the floor first, the kid or the feather?
The feather.
The rope stopped the kid.
I keep looking for my girlfriend's killer, but no one wants to do it.
How many children does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw.
Sara opens her lunch and reads the letter inside. "I packed your favorite -love mom," Sara reaches in and announces "yay PB and J!" Tom goes in his lunch and pulls out a letter "go buy yourself something healthy at the cafeteria -Dad," then pulls out 20 bucks and says "nice!" They both look at Craig as he pulls out a letter. Craig reads the letter in his head, it said "WE HAVE YOUR PARENTS, THEY TELL US THEY KEEP THE MONEY UNDER THEIR BED. BRING $10 000 TO THE RANDAVOU POINT OR THEY WILL BE KILLED. YOU DIDN'T TAKE US SERIOUSLY LAST TIME SO THERE IS MORE PROOF IN YOUR LUNCH." Craig throws down the letter and pulls a finger out of his lunch. Tom and Sara look shocked, then Craig says "ugh, severed finger, again!"
When a school shooter walks to the intercom and plays Pumped Up Kicks.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
A normal kid brings an MP3 to school.
A rich kid brings an MP4 to school.
A quiet kid brings an MP5.
Q: What comes before 47?
A: AK
A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.
So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in.
He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.
I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got excited and asked if I could drive a plane.
All rape can be prevented. It's just a matter of semantics.