Violence jokes
While undressing a woman, she told me she has AIDS. I told her she can't catch it twice, but she still kept screaming.
What's white and bloody?
Two doves in a trash compactor. Talk about a failed marriage.
What do you call a bunch of depressed kids with AK47s?
Suicide squad. 😂😂😂
What first went through Sally's mind when the Nazis came? - A bullet.
I'll always remember my grandpa's last words.
"Are you getting the knife?"
For Da Boys
What do you call an autistic kid coming to school with a gun?
Special Forces incoming!
[being buried alive]
Murderer: *out of breath* How are you eating the dirt so quickly?
You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded. What is the first thing you do?
Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.
What's black and white and red all over?
A massacre at a funeral.
I got a lot running through my head right now. I wish at least one was a 12-gauge round.
When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.
Why is rape worse than death?
Because dead people get way more attention.
What hit the floor first, the kid or the feather?
The feather.
The rope stopped the kid.
I keep looking for my girlfriend's killer, but no one wants to do it.
How many children does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw.
Sara opens her lunch and reads the letter inside. "I packed your favorite -love mom," Sara reaches in and announces "yay PB and J!" Tom goes in his lunch and pulls out a letter "go buy yourself something healthy at the cafeteria -Dad," then pulls out 20 bucks and says "nice!" They both look at Craig as he pulls out a letter. Craig reads the letter in his head, it said "WE HAVE YOUR PARENTS, THEY TELL US THEY KEEP THE MONEY UNDER THEIR BED. BRING $10 000 TO THE RANDAVOU POINT OR THEY WILL BE KILLED. YOU DIDN'T TAKE US SERIOUSLY LAST TIME SO THERE IS MORE PROOF IN YOUR LUNCH." Craig throws down the letter and pulls a finger out of his lunch. Tom and Sara look shocked, then Craig says "ugh, severed finger, again!"
When a school shooter walks to the intercom and plays Pumped Up Kicks.
A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away...
Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.... 🥵🤣
A normal kid brings an MP3 to school.
A rich kid brings an MP4 to school.
A quiet kid brings an MP5.