Violence jokes
LMAO, what is the difference between an orphan and a watermelon?
One's fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other's just a watermelon.
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
My teacher asked us what sex is. My friend, Bobby, got up and said in a loud, clear voice, "Sex is a temptation caused by a sensation, where a boy puts his location into a woman's destination to increase the population of the next generation. Do you understand my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?" The teacher shot him 23 times before she fainted.
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
I beat up my twin friends with a plane.
How can all rape be prevented? Just teach your daughters to never say no to a man. There - fixed!
We don't have school shooters; we have special ed breeches.
Where did Sally go after the gunshot?
6 feet under.
*That is how deep they put the coffin...*
I think Abraham Lincoln was gay because a guy shot from behind.
What were my final words to Putin before I put a bullet through his head?
Answer: Putin, put out!
What do Israel and Epstein have in common?
"Look at that, time to blow up some kids."
What is red, bubbling, and scratching at a window?
A baby in the microwave.
George, when I saw your face, I had to shoot you with a Nerf gun. If you died, wimp.
How to make a baby make funny faces?
Put it feet first in a blender.
Someone said to stop hurting myself, but I'm still trying to cut my arms off.
A man finds out his wife is cheating on him with his best friend, so he hires a hitman to shoot his wife in the head, and his friend in the balls. The hitman charges $100 per bullet. The man agrees.
Later, they set up, and the hitman looks through the scope and says, “I can save you $100!”
Why did Sally die? She got stabbed by her mum.
What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
How do you make a little girl cry for a second time?
By wiping her blood off your dick with her teddy bear.
Where did the children go after he stepped on the land mine?
There, there, over there, and over here too.