Roses are red. Violets are blue. We're gonna make love because I'm stronger than you.
Sara opens her lunch and reads the letter inside. "I packed your favorite -love mom," Sara reaches in and announces "yay PB and J!" Tom goes in his lunch and pulls out a letter "go buy yourself something healthy at the cafeteria -Dad," then pulls out 20 bucks and says "nice!" They both look at Craig as he pulls out a letter. Craig reads the letter in his head, it said "WE HAVE YOUR PARENTS, THEY TELL US THEY KEEP THE MONEY UNDER THEIR BED. BRING $10 000 TO THE RANDAVOU POINT OR THEY WILL BE KILLED. YOU DIDN'T TAKE US SERIOUSLY LAST TIME SO THERE IS MORE PROOF IN YOUR LUNCH." Craig throws down the letter and pulls a finger out of his lunch. Tom and Sara look shocked, then Craig says "ugh, severed finger, again!"
Jared from Subway. Remember kids, "tuna sub" backwards is what I'm going to do on your face.
Police: Where do you live? Child: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live? Child: With me.
Police: Where do you all live? Child: Together.
Police: Where is your house? Child: Next to my neighbor's house.
Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Child: If I tell you, would you believe me?
Police: Yes. Now tell me. Child: Next to my house.
Police: ... Child: 😊
Police: *Proceeds to beat the life out of the child*
I'm not looking for consent, I'm looking for cooperation!
What’s worse than nailing 10 babies to 1 tree?
Nailing 1 baby to 10 trees.
I threw a paralyzed kid into the fireplace and called him hotwheels.
What's the hardest thing about being a rapist?
My dick.
A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."
So, I was raping this girl the other night, and she said, "Please just think of my kids!" I was like, "What a freak."
If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.
What’s an abbreviation for school in America?
Shooting range.
Jokes just as dead as the victims.
Boy: "My girlfriend didn't dump me, I dumped her..."
Off the nearby cliff.
How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.
This is how my mom always threatens me: "I brought you into this world, I can bring you out of it too." That's why I only have 2 siblings left.
I wonder where the bodies are?
What's the last thing that went through John F Kennedy's head?
A bullet.
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!
What's worse than Sally in a trash can? Sally in thirteen trash cans.
What did the soldier say when he sees a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD incoming.
Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they don't shoot up schools.
While undressing a woman, she told me she has AIDS. I told her she can't catch it twice, but she still kept screaming.
