Violence jokes
Me: Hey, that's a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there?
The Quiet Kid: Yeah, magazines.....
Why did the little boy cry?
He had a frog nailed to his face and stapled to each of his fins. The frogs were his personal molesters.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 broke into a daycare and ate 12 children before burning the building down.
Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo, so I gave them a halo.
Roses are dead, violets smell like poo, I got a big fucking shotgun, what you gonna do?
I beat up a failed musician until he started crying.
I thought a few hits would cheer him up!
Why are there 30 bullets in one clip?
Because that's the average classroom size.
What's black and white and red all over? An American School.
Teacher makes 1 kid recite the ABCs and the other count to 10.
Teacher: You can kill 2 birds with 1 stone.
Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head.
Johnny at school: You can kill a bird and give a man a concussion.
A guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum and yells: "Who the fuck fucked my wife?"
Everybody is silent for a second, then the bartender said: "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets!"
I wanted to bomb a restaurant, so I went in there with a bomb, but the bomb got diffused and did not work.
I asked a person standing nearby. I said, "Hey, do you know how to fix this bomb so I can blow up this place?"
He gave me a book.
It was the Quran.
I said, "What the hell is that?"
He said, "This is the official manual for bomb making."
I slit my wrist and said, "THAT'S A LOT OF DAMAGE!" So I did it again, but with a knife and said, "NOW *THAT'S* A LOT OF DAMAGE!" I then put watertight Flex Seal on the wound, and it didn't seal.
OMG guys, I finally did it. I made a head slicey boy. I have headless.
The inmates are yelling 12...12...12... in the courtyard.
A man walking by is interested why the keep chanting 12...12...12... so he sticks his head through the fence and the inmate poked the man in the eye.
Moment later they start chanting 13...13...13...
What do you tell a female with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you already told her twice.
+1 like = 1 kid in my basement.
+1 comment = 1 kid in my microwave.
+1 share = 1 kid in my blender.
A person in NYC is shot every 5 minutes. Poor guy!
Knock knock. Who's there? Knock knock. Knock knock who? I'll knock knock you out if you don't stop.
Knock knock!!
Who's there??
Dishwasher!!
Dishwasher who??
Dishwasher way i used to talk when i got my head kicked in!
Officer, I drop-kicked that child in self-defense!
You gotta believe me!