Violence jokes

I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got excited and asked if I could drive a plane.

All rape can be prevented. It's just a matter of semantics.

Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.

While undressing a woman, she told me she has AIDS. I told her she can't catch it twice, but she still kept screaming.

I'm not looking for consent, I'm looking for cooperation!

Roses are red. Violets are blue. We're gonna make love because I'm stronger than you.

What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer?

You can’t pull on her hair when you’re raping her.

I'll always remember my grandpa's last words.

"Are you getting the knife?"

A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."

Jared from Subway. Remember kids, "tuna sub" backwards is what I'm going to do on your face.

Police: Where do you live? Child: With my parents.

Police: Where do your parents live? Child: With me.

Police: Where do you all live? Child: Together.

Police: Where is your house? Child: Next to my neighbor's house.

Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Child: If I tell you, would you believe me?

Police: Yes. Now tell me. Child: Next to my house.

Police: ... Child: 😊

Police: *Proceeds to beat the life out of the child*

How do you rape a feminist? Tell her you are a woman and she will let you do whatever. You won't even need to force it.

What’s worse than nailing 10 babies to 1 tree?

Nailing 1 baby to 10 trees.

I threw a paralyzed kid into the fireplace and called him hotwheels.

What's the hardest thing about being a rapist?

My dick.

I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time, I'd give your mom a coat hanger.

If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.

What’s an abbreviation for school in America?

Shooting range.

Jokes just as dead as the victims.

An apple a day keeps a doctor away... at least if you throw it hard enough.

Boy: "My girlfriend didn't dump me, I dumped her..."

Off the nearby cliff.