Violence jokes
Are you a bullet?
*gets shot*
My wife told me to pass her some chapstick, but then I realized she hasn’t talked to me in a month, then remembering I gave her super glue.........ehh I’m done with her big ass mouth.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A pitbull in a children's play area.
"Lizzie Borden took an axe. And gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, She gave her father forty-one."
I saw this kid who looked depressed, so I threw a torch at him. I thought I would brighten up his day.
I never understood school shooting jokes.
I guess they were aimed at younger audiences.
X is for X-treme shooting!
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What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.
How do you get a baby to stop crying?
Simple... you staple its mouth shut.
Today is Elder Abuse Awareness Day.
Unfortunately, they're still not giving lessons on how to beat an annoying Alzheimer's patient without leaving a mark.
I found a rock at the park. I threw it at some orphans.
What would they do? Go to their family?
There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"
She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.
He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"
One day an old woman came into the bank and asked me to check her balance... So, I pushed her over.
What is the best revenge for getting punished at school?
Go shoot up the school.
She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.
What do you tell a female with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you already told her twice.
Why couldn't the rape victim run away?
Because she was dead.
What does a baby and a grenade have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
My gf told me she was pregnant. So I punched her in the stomach.
She asked me "Why the hell did you do that?!?!?" "I wanted to let you know I'm pro abortion."