Violence jokes

Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.

You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."

...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"

The Virgin Mary wasn't a virgin; she was a prostitute. God raped her.

How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb?

More than 9 because my basement's still dark.

The kid with a gun walked into my classroom and fucking shot the teacher.

He pointed the gun at me and asked, "What's 2+2?" I answer him and he writes the answer down on his test. He did this with every kid. He got a 100%, expelled, and a lifetime in prison. Hey, at least he gets free food.

A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"

The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."

Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"

The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."

So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.

Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"

The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."

What do you call a paralyzed kid with a gun?

Special Forces.

What's pink, red, and silver and bumps into walls?

A baby with forks in its eyes.

If you're ever bored, just punch an orphan.

What are they gonna tell their parents?

I kicked a ball at the kid in the wheelchair, and now we're playing Rocket League.

What's black, white, and red all over?

A nun in a blender.

Sonic says, "Punch an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"

If you are a bully at a school, when you get home, find an orphan and beat them up!

What are they going to do? Tell the orphan lady to tell you to stop? 😆😝

My Crandall just be smashing more than you ON DA GIRLS, and he was slapping your girl last night harder than WILL at the OSCARS! ;)

I had sex with twins. Well, I think it was twins. All my rage victims look alike.

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Are you a knife?

Because I want to deep throat you.

I was in the bedroom slapping your girl harder than Will at the Oscars.

What happens when an orphan is told that someone had found their parents?

They cry...

They scream... with joy.

"Oh wait, no, that wasn't your parents."

Orphan grabs a knife out of the kitchen, lets just say, the orphan didn't live to tell the tail...

I wish I was at a Western bar; then I would get shot.

What is more fun than spinning a clown around on a clothes line at 100 miles an hour?

Stopping it with a pitchfork.