Violence jokes
Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.
You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."
...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"
The Virgin Mary wasn't a virgin; she was a prostitute. God raped her.
Me: What do you call a group of retards?
Friend: Down town?
Me: Nope, target practice.
How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
More than 9 because my basement's still dark.
Rape victims suck, literally.
The kid with a gun walked into my classroom and fucking shot the teacher.
He pointed the gun at me and asked, "What's 2+2?" I answer him and he writes the answer down on his test. He did this with every kid. He got a 100%, expelled, and a lifetime in prison. Hey, at least he gets free food.
A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."
Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."
So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.
Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"
The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."
What do Israel and Epstein have in common?
"Look at that, time to blow up some kids."
Why are Americans so good at shooting?
We have the best schools for it.
What do you call a paralyzed kid with a gun?
Special Forces.
My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.
My ex misses me, good thing she'll never hit me.
"You look like Barney, I'm choking you too, and your face is turning all purple and blue!"
What did the daddy bullet say to his son when he missed the bull and hit something brown and gross?
"That is bull crap!"
If you ever get mad at an orphan, punch them in the face... What are they going to do, tell their parents?
What's the difference between you and me? You're not strangling a man with a cloak on.
I asked a kid why he was so blue.
Didn't realize his parents were choking him out.
What do you call a terrorist swimming?
A bath bomb!
What do you call a terrorist in a bathtub?
Bathbomb.
So, a man walks past a gun store and sees all the guns are half price. Then the man says, "Wow, school supplies are low this week."