Violence jokes
What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?
My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies.
What's worse than that?
The baby at the bottom of the pile is still alive.
What's worse than that?
The baby at the bottom of pile is eating its way out.
While undressing a woman, she told me she has AIDS. I told her she can't catch it twice, but she still kept screaming.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knife." "Knife, who?" "How are you still alive? I just stabbed you!"
How many babies does it take to replace a light bulb? I'm guessing more than 10 cause it's still dark in my basement.
Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?
American: Self defense.
Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?
When you're sitting in class and the quiet kid yells, "Lovely day, isn't it?" ... and you see a Glock shape in his pocket.
Jared from Subway. Remember kids, "tuna sub" backwards is what I'm going to do on your face.
Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, GET IN THE VAN!
If I were to cut your legs off, would it hurt? Because your legs will be cut off...
My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it, but I'm not too worried. I think she is joking.
My girlfriend didn't bring me the sandwich, so I brought the gas.
Little Johnny is my son, and he got hit by a semi-truck owned by a Russian. Now I am on my way on a nuclear submarine with a Burger King Whopper to Moscow, then take revenge for little Johnny!
Little Johnny was getting beaten up by two kids, so I came and helped.
He won’t stand against the three of us!
What's the difference between a pizza and a guy you really hate?
One won't scream when you remove their meat.
When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.
Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed, but you only have 2 bullets left. What do you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you haven't told her twice.
Where did Sally go when the bomb went off?
Everywhere.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.