Word Jokes

Bloodcurdling scream

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

Anonymous
in Marriage

“What does the word ‘gay’ mean?” asked a son his father.

“It means ‘happy’,” replied the father.

“Oh,” contested the son, “so you are gay then?”

“No, son, I have a wife.”

Emma

I went to visit my friends sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him he kept repeating “Nǐ cǎizhe wǒ de yǎngqì guǎn”

Suddenly right in front of me, he passed. Later that night I translated his last words, and they were “You’re standing on my oxygen tube”

Ptrfnny17
in Adoption

I don’t like to use the word kidnapping. So I just use the term: surprise adoption

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Anonymous

What was Steven Hawking’s last words?

The windows xp log out sound

Anonymous

Wanna hear some famous last words? “We are just experiencing some turbulence”

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Anonymous

Santa was asked to describe Mrs. Claus in three words.

His response was “Ho ho ho”

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Anonymous

i remember my grandfathers last words: “is that loaded?”

Pistacio

I invented a new word today.

Plagiarism

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Elena
in Roast

I was crying at school telling my friends my grandpa died, And they asked me what his last words were. His last words were “Are you still holding the ladder?”

Anonymous
in Music

Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.

Bradthetad
in Darkness

I’ll always remember my dads last words… Why do you have an axe we live in the city

I was in an argument with a “friend” at school. he said, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”…

…so I threw a dictionary at him.

Euan
in Puns

One day I came home from school and said to my dad ‘I got expelled from school today’ he said ’ how’ I said I threw my book at the teacher’ he asked why’ I told him we were doing an anti-bullying program and my teacher said words can’t hurt me so I threw my dictionary at her. ’

Lossinthesauce

If you turn the word racecar backwards it says racecar. But if you turn the racecar sideways you have Paul walkers blood on your hands

2
Anonymous

I wont ever Forget my dads last words: “OH GOD THE POLICE!!!”

Anonymous
in Puns

Some people think prison is one word…but to robbers it’s a whole sentence

Joe Biden’s speeches are so motivational. In fact, I have been stuck at home these past few weeks, and his well articulated words were enough for me to muster up the courage to jump off of a 10 story building.

Anonymous

I’ll never forget my grandma’s last words, “What are you doing in here with that hammer?”

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Unnamed

What did Steven Hawlkings last words? Error 404 File Not Found

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