Hand

Bloodcurdling scream

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

Marriage

Anonymous

“What does the word ‘gay’ mean?” asked a son his father.

“It means ‘happy’,” replied the father.

“Oh,” contested the son, “so you are gay then?”

“No, son, I have a wife.”

Lie

Emma

I went to visit my friends sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him he kept repeating “Nǐ cǎizhe wǒ de yǎngqì guǎn”

Suddenly right in front of me, he passed. Later that night I translated his last words, and they were “You’re standing on my oxygen tube”

9

Adoption

Ptrfnny17

I don’t like to use the word kidnapping. So I just use the term: surprise adoption

Log

Anonymous

What was Steven Hawking’s last words?

The windows xp log out sound

Last Word

Anonymous

Wanna hear some famous last words? “We are just experiencing some turbulence”

2

Ho

Anonymous

Santa was asked to describe Mrs. Claus in three words.

His response was “Ho ho ho”

6

Last Word

Anonymous

i remember my grandfathers last words: “is that loaded?”

Invention

Pistacio

I invented a new word today.

Plagiarism

2

Puns

Anonymous

Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.

Paul Walker

Lossinthesauce

If you turn the word racecar backwards it says racecar. But if you turn the racecar sideways you have Paul walkers blood on your hands

2

Puns

Euan

One day I came home from school and said to my dad ‘I got expelled from school today’ he said ’ how’ I said I threw my book at the teacher’ he asked why’ I told him we were doing an anti-bullying program and my teacher said words can’t hurt me so I threw my dictionary at her. ’

9

Puns

Anonymous

Some people think prison is one word…but to robbers it’s a whole sentence

Darkness

Bradthetad

I’ll always remember my dads last words… Why do you have an axe we live in the city

Last Word

Anonymous

I wont ever Forget my dads last words: “OH GOD THE POLICE!!!”

Last Word

Anonymous

I’ll never forget my grandma’s last words, “What are you doing in here with that hammer?”

2

Last Word

Unnamed

What did Steven Hawlkings last words? Error 404 File Not Found

1

Stick

I was in an argument with a “friend” at school. he said, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”…

…so I threw a dictionary at him.

Puns

Overwatch_Gamer321

Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.

Puns

Anonymous

What is the longest word in the English Dictionary? Smiles because there is a mile between the first letter and the last