"What does the word 'gay' mean?" asked a son his father.
"It means 'happy'," replied the father.
"Oh," contested the son, "so you are gay then?"
"No, son, I have a wife."
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
I went to visit my friends sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him he kept repeating "Nǐ cǎizhe wǒ de yǎngqì guǎn"
Suddenly right in front of me, he passed. Later that night I translated his last words, and they were "You're standing on my oxygen tube"
I don't like to use the word kidnapping. So I just use the term: surprise adoption
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
The Windows XP log out sound.
Wanna hear some famous last words? “We are just experiencing some turbulence”
Santa was asked to describe Mrs. Claus in three words. His response was, "Ho ho ho."
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That's a big word for a seven year old.
I invented a new word today.
Plagiarism
My grandfather said we rely on technology too much so I unplugged his life support. Luckily I remember his last words . "You little bastard!"
Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
If you turn the word racecar backwards it says racecar. But if you turn the racecar sideways you have Paul walkers blood on your hands
A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper looks confused and says, "Oh really? You have a drink named 'Bob'??"
I remember my grandfather's last words: "Is that loaded?"
Me and my grandpa went on a road trip and he died that was the last thing we did together and I will never forget his last words “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS”
I can barely remember the last words my uncle told me
let go of my nose
My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type... His last words to us were, “Be positive!”
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. So I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
