Violence jokes
What were my final words to Putin before I put a bullet through his head?
Answer: Putin, put out!
What is white, then red, and is very fast?
My chainsaw blade.
Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy.
You wouldn’t believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
If you are ever mad, punch an orphan.
What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
You just shot an unarmed man.
Well, he should have armed himself then.
Don't break girls' hearts. Break their legs instead. They're two.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Don’t worry, he woke up.
In my basement.
If Will Smith had a revolver and said, "Who fucked my wife?" Chris Rock would say, "You don't have enough bullets, mate."
Hello, anybody, I've just shot somebody. I did it on purpose.
How it be when the new guy takes too long...
Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.
Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.
Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.
Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.
Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.
"Sonic Says", "If you're ever bored and have nothing to do, then just punch an orphan in the face. Who are they gonna tell? Their parents?"
Are you a knife?
Because I want to deep throat you.
What is more fun than spinning a clown around on a clothes line at 100 miles an hour?
Stopping it with a pitchfork.
I wish I was at a Western bar; then I would get shot.
If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
I was in the bedroom slapping your girl harder than Will at the Oscars.
My Crandall just be smashing more than you ON DA GIRLS, and he was slapping your girl last night harder than WILL at the OSCARS! ;)
What happens when an orphan is told that someone had found their parents?
They cry...
They scream... with joy.
"Oh wait, no, that wasn't your parents."
Orphan grabs a knife out of the kitchen, lets just say, the orphan didn't live to tell the tail...
Please don't get mad, it's a joke.
What's the difference between a bullet and a police officer? At least when a bullet kills someone, it's fired.
The boy was clapping, then he became clapped.