Violence jokes
Are you a knife?
Because I want to deep throat you.
Hello, anybody, I've just shot somebody. I did it on purpose.
You just shot an unarmed man.
Well, he should have armed himself then.
I was in the bedroom slapping your girl harder than Will at the Oscars.
Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy.
You wouldn’t believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
Memes
If you are ever mad, punch an orphan.
What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
What happens when an orphan is told that someone had found their parents?
They cry...
They scream... with joy.
"Oh wait, no, that wasn't your parents."
Orphan grabs a knife out of the kitchen, lets just say, the orphan didn't live to tell the tail...
I wish I was at a Western bar; then I would get shot.
What is more fun than spinning a clown around on a clothes line at 100 miles an hour?
Stopping it with a pitchfork.
If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
My Crandall just be smashing more than you ON DA GIRLS, and he was slapping your girl last night harder than WILL at the OSCARS! ;)
What’s the difference between a police man and a bullet?
At least when a bullet kills someone, it’s actually fired.
Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.
Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.
My ex misses me, good thing she'll never hit me.
"You look like Barney, I'm choking you too, and your face is turning all purple and blue!"
What's the difference between you and me? You're not strangling a man with a cloak on.
What did the daddy bullet say to his son when he missed the bull and hit something brown and gross?
"That is bull crap!"
If you ever get mad at an orphan, punch them in the face... What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Why are Americans so good at shooting?
We have the best schools for it.
What do you call a paralyzed kid with a gun?
Special Forces.