Violence jokes
When the school shooter runs out of ammo: K a l m.
When he grabs a full mag: P a n i k.
When he looks back and doesn't see you, but you're hiding in one of the classrooms: K a l m.
When the autistic kid's Sketchers light up: P A N I K.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
I don't know, it depends on how hard you throw them.
What's red and white and lives in a blender?
A baby.
What’s strong enough for a man, but made for a woman?
The back of my hand.
Did you know that big black dicks can be weapons and can kill people?
Floyd Mayweather proved it when he gave it to Logan Paul in the ass.
Want to know what I do in my freetime?
Punch an orphan, cuz what are they going to do, tell their mom?
What mental illness do terrorists suffer from?
Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED).
A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."
What has more brains than a student in a school shooting? The wall behind them.
My friend thinks he is funny.
He told me that the only food that makes you cry is an onion, so I threw a coconut at him.
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you've told her twice.
What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?
When you have a gun in your hand.
So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. "My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane," and his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?" The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."
If you're mad, go punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their mom?
Woman: Doctor, doctor, I've been raped.
Doctor: Sex is good for you!
Man yelling at mailman realizes he's opening the mailbox.
Mailman: "There's a pipe bomb in your mailbox..."
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
Why is rape, rape? Because she is too busy enjoying the moment to say yes.
Murder: Wanna play a game?
Me: Ok (pulls out Xbox controller)
I started selling landmines disguised as prayer mats.
Prophets are through the roof!