Violence jokes

I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly, a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs.

Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.

When they say beat that pussy, I don’t play so punch it.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

Kick his sister in the jaw.

What’s the best part about fucking a dead bitch?

You don’t need consent.

Sometimes I just want to toss a flash bang into a room full of epileptic kids.

"Namaste, 6 feet away, or I'll blow you away with this AK!"

Schools in the hood are kind of the same thing. I always seem to get shot.

What do birds and children have in common?

If you shoot them, they die.

Sonic says... April 1st is the best day to do a school shooting. They will think it’s a joke! 😃

Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.

Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back.

I must have raped a woman in a skip. She said she felt rubbish.

I am the ice cream man running over fat kids with my van. If you touch my van, I’ll smack you in the face with a frying pan. If you steal ice cream, I’ll shoot you in the face with a fudge machine.

Where did Sally go after the gunshot?

6 feet under.

*That is how deep they put the coffin...*

You and me went up to stab your father. He was out, do not pout. They are coming after.

When the school shooter is getting roasted because of his Pokemon lunch box, but they don't know that there is a Glock 34 inside.

When the school shooter gives the autistic kid a glock and he shoots himself, thinking it’s a cigarette.

How do you make a plumber die?

You kill his family.

I was gonna tell you a joke about my abusive dad...

But I only remember the punch line👊👊👊👊👊👊👊👊👊

Why was the kid not able to cross the hallway?

Answer: The school shooter already shot him in the middle of the hallway.