Violence jokes
What's harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree?
My dick while I'm doing it.
I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.
Violence breeds violence, nothing else.
Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.
For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
I went to find someone to fuck in the streets for money, and I found a prostitute, but then she raped me. After she said it was amazing and instead let me push.
A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.
Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.
You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."
...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One smashes open when you hit it with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.
What's the difference between Chris Brown and Santa?
Santa stops at three hoes.
Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.
So who did it? the I.S.S. teacher said.
1 hour before:
So let me get...
Random person: Wait, what? You BROKE UP WITH HER!
Me: I SWEAR, JHONNY, THIS IS THE 3RD TIME YOU BUTT INTO MY CONVERSATION! SO... HERE... YOU... GO! *punches*
When your mom says it will all be ok if you just......... *there is blood on the floor*
When the teacher gives me an F on my exam,
but I have an AK-47 in my backpack.
*Is honestly the best policy.*
What did the rape victim give to her rapist?
Head.
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first? So you can see the look on its face as you climax.
Why are Americans so shocked when it comes to Mexican drug cartels?
Because none of the drug lords (or their associates, for that matter) have shot up a school.
What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.
What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?
At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?