Violence jokes

When the school shooter is getting roasted because of his Pokemon lunch box, but they don't know that there is a Glock 34 inside.

When the school shooter gives the autistic kid a glock and he shoots himself, thinking it’s a cigarette.

How do you make a plumber die?

You kill his family.

I was gonna tell you a joke about my abusive dad...

But I only remember the punch line👊👊👊👊👊👊👊👊👊

Why was the kid not able to cross the hallway?

Answer: The school shooter already shot him in the middle of the hallway.

Q: What did the man say after removing another man's hat? A: He was decapitated.

Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.

You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."

...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"

The Virgin Mary wasn't a virgin; she was a prostitute. God raped her.

How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb?

More than 9 because my basement's still dark.

The kid with a gun walked into my classroom and fucking shot the teacher.

He pointed the gun at me and asked, "What's 2+2?" I answer him and he writes the answer down on his test. He did this with every kid. He got a 100%, expelled, and a lifetime in prison. Hey, at least he gets free food.

A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"

The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."

Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"

The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."

So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.

Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"

The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."

My friend: Hey, I got 15 kills!

Me: I got 60 kills!

My friend: I didn't know you played Call of Duty!

Me: What's Call of Duty?

Lynching is just another word for "hanging around."

What do you call a terrorist in a bathtub?

Bathbomb.

I asked a kid why he was so blue.

Didn't realize his parents were choking him out.

What do you call a terrorist swimming?

A bath bomb!

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I saw your mom beat you.

What can you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing that you haven't told her twice already.

If you're ever frustrated, just punch them in the face. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

What is white, then red, and is very fast?

My chainsaw blade.