Ups jokes
Anyone up for some Fortnite?
Why do disabled people always get picked on?
Because they can’t stand up for themselves.
I've always wanted to WAVE to a dolphin, but it could never SEA me.
That dolphin is so WASHED up. WATER you say we get revenge?
Yo mama is so fat, she got mixed up with Godzilla!
Friend: Why did you touch me?
Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
My eggcellent egg yolks crack everyone up.
If you don't like them, you're just hard boiled.
Why was the Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it wanted to look up a 10 year old girl’s skirt.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and swim in some shit. Jack forgot to bring some goggles and floaty, and now they have a daughter.
Secret: Jill didn’t go in the shit yet. Jack went in first and died! :D
"I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist.
He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."
Why are eggs bad at puns?
They always mix up their yolks!
One day I walk up to an emo kid. I realized he had a fresh cut, so I grab my hand and slap his wrist and told him, "I like ya cut, G!"
Yo momma is so fat, when she caught the flesh-eating bacteria, it gave up!
I bullied a handicap today.
What is he gonna do? Stand up for himself?
The tent pole is up, The canvas is spread, The hell with breakfast, Come back to bed.
Take the tent pole down, Put the canvas away, The monkey had a hemorrhage, No circus today.
I am up in the air about becoming a pilot.
What goes up must come down, apart from Mr. Vyse.
Bank owner: If you want to start a bank account, I need your name.
Guy: Robin
Bank owner: Your last name?
Guy: Debank
Bank owner: Robin Debank?
Guy: Put your hands up and give me all the money!
Why did the people think Stephen Hawking was disrespectful?
'Cause he didn't stand up for the national anthem.
Why did the girl 👧 bring lipstick 💄 to beauty school?
Because she had a make-up exam.