What do you do with epileptic lettuce? – You make a seizure salad.

Ran out of toilet paper so had to start using lettuce leaves…today was the tip of the iceberg

What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?

The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.

What did the salad say to pineapple

Lettuce be friends

I wanna die

What type of lettuce did they serve on the Titanic? - Iceberg.

Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

To find Pluto

Did you hear the race of the tomato and lettuce? Well the lettuce was winning and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

There are two siblings. A little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night, and take her home. So they get to the bigger brothers house, and walk in his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk bed. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, “whenever you feel good, say lettuce, and whenever you want to switch positions say tomato.” The girl constantly is saying “lettuce, tomato” and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, " can you guys stop making sandwiches, you’re getting mayonnaise all over me.

Did you hear about the tomatoe and the lettuce race? Well the lettuce was a-head and the tomatoe was trying to ketchup

There was a race between Lettuce a faucet and Ketchup. The lettuce was a-head, the faucet was still running and the ketchup was trying to ketchup

knock knock whos there? lettuce lettuce who? lettuce in and ill tell ya

I was trying to make friends and this one person came up to me they said “lettuce be friends?” I just laughed and said that was tearable

Knock knock (who’s there) lettuce (lettuce who) lettuce out of school early

Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage.

Lettuce pray.

Have ya heard about the awesome fruit race? the lettuce was ahead but the tomato was able to ketchup!

My friend and I joined a french fry eating contest, but I just couldn’t ketchup. So we switched to cheese burgers, but I still couldn’t mustard up the speed to lettuce win. I mayo not have thought this through. So we switched to fruits, but when it got to the watermelons, I started to feel a little green. My friend couldn’t seed the point of us continuing anymore. I just couldn’t digest the stress I guess :D

Lettuce ketchup

“I don’t want to go on my at home history.” -my friend, anon 2019

What do you get when you cross an octopus with a Mexican?

I don’t know but man can it pick lettuce.

What is the difference between lettuce and a hamburger? When the lettuce runs from the hamburger cries

The lettuce and tomato where in a race. The lettuce was a head and the tomato was trying to ketchup