What is the difference between an orphan and a apple? Apples get picked...

When my family goes to weddings, my senior relatives tell me things like “You’re next!”, so I started doing the same to them at funerals.

You know how in the movie nightmare before christmas they say making Christmas

I thought mary a josphe did but ok

A funny joke scenario Person 1: Why didn't he skeleton go to the dance?

Person 2: Because he had no "body" to go with.

Person 1: Because he was ugly fat and nobody liked him


Friend: Why did you touch me? Me: That guy in the corner with no hair , glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.

The only hood i like is pointy and white. Thats why i cant trust people when i dont see thier face at night.

Women are like rolls of toilet paper they are either really cheap or expensive, you use them a lot and they deal with a lot of s##t.


I drew a picture of a whale in the ocean. My brother asked what you drawing? I saod you taking a shower.

What’s the only time you can do almost whatever you want

When you have a gun in you hand