Ups jokes

What fell first, the feather or the depressed kid?

Q: The feather, the depressed kid is still up there.

A boy tried to give a tree a high-five, but instead, he ended up hanging.

This is not a joke, nor did I come up with it.

If somebody calls you ugly, just hug them and say, "Life must be hard for you since you have visual impairment!"

Me: Mom, can I have some makeup?

Mom: No. You are beautiful just the way you are.

Me: So that’s why you wear makeup?

A small boy went up to a dog fountain? The more you. HAHA gorgeous ddollars of benjamin frnakus wghen hes wearing beakini bea at the beach hahaha.

"Candice balls fit up your nose."

What happens when a cow farm gets destroyed, then built up again?

It'll be udder renovation!

Mommy, Mommy! Are we dragons?

Shut up and don’t breathe on the drapes.

Why is Stephen Hawking not scared of anyone?

His wheelchair always backs him up.

Why do orphans like Minecraft? So they can build a home...

But a creeper blows it up.

Me and my friend roasting each other.

Him: Your dad dropped you on purpose, but my dad dropped me by accident.

Me: But after dropping you, he never picked you up.

I told my friend you should definitely quit smoking, but he could not find me because he was already up in flames.

What do emos do when they meet up?

They hang out.

I was thinking of starting up a stair company, but there were too many steps to it.

I’m going to reenact the ending of Saw (2004), except I won’t stand up and shut the door.

If this gets 10 comments (I don't care about likes) I will write a four page essay and post it, and it's up to you guys what it's about.

Did you hear about the cello player who dreamed he was performing Bolero?

He woke up and found out it was true.

My heart broke as I went down the stairs, and my girlfriend broke her heart.

An orphan walked up to a baseball field, but a security guard said he couldn't come in because it was a home game.

I have had it up to here with you.

(Then there Hight.)