Ups jokes
Guy 1: Why is my cat so angry?
Guy 2: Because she wants to eat your big sausage.
Guy 1: Don't you?
Guy 2: Yeah, it seems delicious.
Guy 1: Mmm, so... w-wait what are you doing? I didn't think you meant the one in my lunch :< Where are you leaving #_#
**Meow...**
Guy 1: Shut up, I will never feed you this sausage. It's not for you :< -_- </3
If you look up the word "wheelchair" in a dictionary, you will see a picture of Stephen Hawking.
What does a physicist call it when a suicidal person is high up? Potential energy.
I don't beat up midgets.
That would be punching down.
Nah, did your barber catch a seizure while lining you up?
Memes
What do Israel and Epstein have in common?
"Look at that, time to blow up some kids."
Deku: Hey Todoroki, are you done with your Halloween costume?
Todoroki: Yes. *comes out in a macaroni outfit*
Deku: Wha- I'm todoroni.
Bakugo: OMFG, I'm out! *blows up UA*
Kevin Woody (look him up)
I don’t like stairs. They are always up to something.
How does Skeletor feel after He-Man beats him up?
Skelesore.
What type of comedy can't Steven Hawking do?
Stand-up comedy.
Ever heard of account stealing?
Ever heard of someone by the name of "#SHUT THE HELL UP GWEN DON'T EVEN DATE PRINCE ON FACE BOOK!!!!!!!! I HATE IT WHEN UR HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?
My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.
I told her to keep her chins up.
Why does Adolf hate golf?
He ended up in the bunker.
What did the Twin Towers say when they saw the airplane?
Batter up!
Wow, you did 10 chin-ups? Was it 1 for each chin?
One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.
An orphan comes up to me and says, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."
How did a man know his wife died?
Dishis start piling up.
My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.