Gold Jokes

Artemas

Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”.

The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes.

The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse".

The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”

Anonymous
in Puns

So I was mining off the coast of Canada and one of my co-workers found gold. I said AU, bring that over here!

Person

I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

whydojeffeatbobandfred

i had a gold fish who could breakdance on the carpet…

for 20 seconds…

and only once… :(

Anonymous

whats black, gold and red all over? Tupac in Vegas.

2
Mr. Dark Joke

I was digging in our garden when I found a chest completely full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

1
Anonymous

What kind of dogs do miners like best

Golden retrievers haha get it

The joker

What objects have the most gravitational force. A lambo and a gold digger

Anonymous

Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an “L” on her forehead

Well, the years start coming and they don’t stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn’t make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

So much to do, so much to see So what’s wrong with taking the back streets? You’ll never know if you don’t go You’ll never shine if you don’t glow

[Chorus:] Hey, now, you’re an All Star, get your game on, go play Hey, now, you’re a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold

It’s a cool place and they say it gets colder You’re bundled up now wait 'til you get older But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture

The ice we skate is getting pretty thin The water’s getting warm so you might as well swim My world’s on fire. How about yours? That’s the way I like it and I’ll never get bored.

[Chorus 2x]

Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas I need to get myself away from this place I said yep, what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change

Well, the years start coming and they don’t stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn’t make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

So much to do, so much to see So what’s wrong with taking the back streets? You’ll never know if you don’t go You’ll never shine if you don’t glow.

[Chorus]

And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold

Anonymous
in Atom

A block of gold walked into a bar, the bartender said ‘AU, get out!”

Llamabird
in Adult

My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day: Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you’re told.

What the dog doin

A man is digging in his garden and finds a gold chest, he goes to tell his wife. Then he remembers why he was digging in the garden…

DUDEGAY#245

I was digging and found some gold i was going to tall my mom then I remembered why I was digging

Anonymous

A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.

The sex addict asks the rich man, “What are you getting your wife this Christmas?” The rich man replies, “Diamond earrings and a Mercedes.” The sex addict asks, “Why are you getting her two gifts?” The rich man says, “Well, if she doesn’t like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them.”

The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, “So what are you getting your wife this year?” The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, “A gold necklace and a dildo.”

The rich man asks, “Why those two things?” The sex addict astutely reponds, “This way, if she doesn’t like the jewelry she can go f… herself.”

Three boys are playing on a slide when a genie appeared.

The genie says “what ever you shout when you go down the slide, I will grant you a bucket full of.”

The first boy goes down the slide shouting “diamonds!”, and he gets a bucket of diamonds.

The second boy goes down the slide and shouts “gold!”, and gets a bucket of gold.

The third boy, who never listens or pays attention, goes down the slide and shouts “weeeeeeee!”.

Anonymous

Q. There were 2 sisters. One was having twins and asked her sister to help name the children. If one was named Deniece, what was the other named? A. Denephew.

Anonymous

A man found a chest full of gold so he went to go tell his wife only to remember why he was digging

Jack Sparrow

NOT all treasure is silver and gold mate

Anonymous
in Date

You should never date a prospector. They’re all just gold diggers.