Advertisement
Advertisement

Puns

Anonymous

So I was mining off the coast of Canada and one of my co-workers found gold. I said AU, bring that over here!

Wife

Person

I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

Wife

Artemas

Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”.

The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes.

The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse".

The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”

Bar

Anonymous

A block of gold walked into a bar, the bartender said ‘AU, get out!”

Fish

whydojeffeatbobandfred

i had a gold fish who could breakdance on the carpet…

for 20 seconds…

and only once… :(

Wife

Mr. Dark Joke

I was digging in our garden when I found a chest completely full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

Dog

Anonymous

What kind of dogs do miners like best

Golden retrievers haha get it

Forehead

Anonymous

Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an “L” on her forehead

Well, the years start coming and they don’t stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn’t make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

So much to do, so much to see So what’s wrong with taking the back streets? You’ll never know if you don’t go You’ll never shine if you don’t glow

[Chorus:] Hey, now, you’re an All Star, get your game on, go play Hey, now, you’re a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold

It’s a cool place and they say it gets colder You’re bundled up now wait 'til you get older But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture

The ice we skate is getting pretty thin The water’s getting warm so you might as well swim My world’s on fire. How about yours? That’s the way I like it and I’ll never get bored.

[Chorus 2x]

Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas I need to get myself away from this place I said yep, what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change

Well, the years start coming and they don’t stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn’t make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

So much to do, so much to see So what’s wrong with taking the back streets? You’ll never know if you don’t go You’ll never shine if you don’t glow.

[Chorus]

And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold

Gold Digger

The joker

What objects have the most gravitational force. A lambo and a gold digger

Wife

Anonymous

A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.

The sex addict asks the rich man, “What are you getting your wife this Christmas?” The rich man replies, “Diamond earrings and a Mercedes.” The sex addict asks, “Why are you getting her two gifts?” The rich man says, “Well, if she doesn’t like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them.”

The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, “So what are you getting your wife this year?” The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, “A gold necklace and a dildo.”

The rich man asks, “Why those two things?” The sex addict astutely reponds, “This way, if she doesn’t like the jewelry she can go f… herself.”

Wife

Anonymous

i was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden

Red

Anonymous

whats black, gold and red all over? Tupac in Vegas.

Advertisement

Titanic

jeffybob

the gold coast titans winning the nrl. best joke ever

Pillow

Anonymous

There were three boys on the top of a slide. The first one went down yelling “gold!” and landed in a pot of gold. The second boy went down and shouted “pillows!” and landed in a heap of pillows. The final boy went down and shouted “weeeeeeeee!”

Win

Paddy losty

What’s better than winning gold at the Paralympics?

Not being retarded

Sister

Anonymous

Q. There were 2 sisters. One was having twins and asked her sister to help name the children. If one was named Deniece, what was the other named? A. Denephew.

Friend

Anonymous

who was goldilocks best friend? Goldie

America

JokesHeckYa

How did Voldemort lose his nose? From uncontrolled Gold Mining!

Gold Digger

Anonymous 69

what do u call a gold digger? a miner

Game

J0K35

Time for a Terraria joke

What is a worm called when it is with a rich worm for his money?

A gold digger

(play the game or watch some vids to understand)

Loading...