Ups jokes

My boyfriend thinks he’s hilarious.

Him: How do you break things?

Me: You break things up.

Him: Okay.

Me: Is everything okay?

Him: We’re a twig. We’re breaking up.

I would say something funny, but I would have to dig someone up.

Me: Shut up! If you don't shut up, I'm gonna tell your parents!

You: Why? I don't have any.

I watch sexy girls AMV and my pp goes up and down and up.

By the way, could you tell me an elevator pun? I can't seem to "come up" with one myself.

Aren't my egg yolks amazing? Don't they make you crack up? If not, I better scramble!

POV: You walk up to your short friend and say, "How is the weather down there?"

Have you ever tried anal bleaching?

It really helps assholes lighten up.

What's the difference between an orphan and a baby?

The orphan gets back up.

A plane is about to crash into the ocean, and the passengers are freaking out.

A woman stands up, takes off her clothes, and says, "Before I go, is there a man man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, takes off his shirt, and says, "Here, iron this!"

What's the difference between 63 cents and Princess Diana?

It's easier to scrape up 63 cents.

Life's full of ups and downs :D <3

Kate: Can we have a threesome?

Trevor: Sure.

The lights go off and Trevor starts doing what he's supposed to be doing, and then he feels something going up his back end. He goes to punch the person behind him, but then he turns on the light, and it was Kate behind him, and he's been fucking the guy the whole time.

A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.

On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."

On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.

I've always wanted to WAVE to a dolphin, but it could never SEA me.

That dolphin is so WASHED up. WATER you say we get revenge?

Anyone up for some Fortnite?

If I ever stuff up a post, please let me be. I do have ADHD, short-term memory disorder, and dyscalculia, so please remember that no one likes to be picked on for things that they can't control.

Yo mama is so fat, she got mixed up with Godzilla!

Why do disabled people always get picked on?

Because they can’t stand up for themselves.

Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"