Transportation jokes
Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?
A. He marks the camels that kick.
You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.
Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.
You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"
What do you call a man with no arms or legs being pulled by a boat?
Skip.
Kids make a lot of plans for people who can't drive anywhere.
How do you disappoint people in Africa?
Send a message saying that you’re going to send trucks full of food, water, and clothing.
But don’t follow through and send the trucks empty.
What's a pirate's favorite letter? You'd think it's the "R," but it's really the "C."
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
Is there anything worse than when it's raining cats and dogs? Yes, hailing taxis.
How do you hire a horse? Easy. Just put up a ladder.
Why were there only 3,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo?
'Cause they only had 4 trucks.
Q: Why do I always see gays in the roundabout?
A: They couldn’t go straight.
Are you a sports car? Because you give my heart quite a rush!
Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you."
Yo mama so fat, she can't go up the elevator; she can only go down.
When the airplane saw the Twin Towers, it said, "We can't go over it, we can't go under it, we can't go around it, guess we will go through it."
What is long and hard and is full of seamen?
A submarine.
Why did the rooster go to the train station to get the pizza?
Time flies by, doesn’t it?
But the plane in 9/11 didn’t.
Most orphans were born on the highway. It’s where most accidents [happen].