Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?
A. He marks the camels that kick.
You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.
Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.
You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"
What do you call a man with no arms or legs being pulled by a boat?
Skip.
Kids make a lot of plans for people who can't drive anywhere.
How do you disappoint people in Africa?
Send a message saying that you’re going to send trucks full of food, water, and clothing.
But don’t follow through and send the trucks empty.
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
Is there anything worse than when it's raining cats and dogs? Yes, hailing taxis.
How do you hire a horse? Easy. Just put up a ladder.
Why were there only 3,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo?
'Cause they only had 4 trucks.
Q: Why do I always see gays in the roundabout?
A: They couldn’t go straight.
Are you a sports car? Because you give my heart quite a rush!
Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you."
When the airplane saw the Twin Towers, it said, "We can't go over it, we can't go under it, we can't go around it, guess we will go through it."
Why did the rooster go to the train station to get the pizza?
Time flies by, doesn’t it?
But the plane in 9/11 didn’t.
What's a terrorist's favorite car? A Porsche 9/11.
Why did the plane go to KFC?
To lose its wings and crash!
What do you call a fast boat?
Usain Boat.
One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.
A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.
