What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
My dog kept chasing people on a bike. Eventually, it got so bad I had to take his bike away.
Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.
You wanna know why I love trains?
They end my suffering.
- Mommy, I want a bicycle!
- Shut up, Sam! You've already got your wheelchair!
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”
I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
What's long, black and full of seamen? A submarine.
What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker?
Hop in.
What do bicycles and slaves have in common? They both use chains to work.
Why did the baby cross the road? The car seat wasn’t strapped in.
What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.
What do you call a train with bubble gum?
A chew chew train.
Oh man, I'm depressed.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
How does a crazy person get to the woods?
He takes the psychopath.
A preacher was selling a horse. A cowboy decided to buy the horse. The preacher told the cowboy to make the horse go, to say "Thank God" and to stop the horse, to say "Hallelujah". The cowboy then rode off into the sunset until he came upon a cliff, searching his memory he yelled "Hallelujah" and the horse stopped just before going off the cliff. Then the cowboy said "Thank God".
I heard an Uber from your eyebrows to your hairline is like $40.
Three drunk men get in a taxi. The driver knew they were drunk, so he started the car and turned it off. The first man gave him the money. The second man thanked him, but the third man slapped the driver. The driver, surprised that he noticed, asked why, and the third man replied with, "Why did you drive so fast?"
So, I was going out the door and I see my dwarf neighbor at the bus stop. I ask if he needs a lift. He replies with "fu.. off." So, I zip up my backpack and keep going to work.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of disabled children.
I used to be a banker but I lost interest.
Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She always ran away from the ball.
Why can’t bikes stand? Because they are two tired (Too tired).
